No Habla Ingles

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I HAVE NOT DIED!!!

Anyway, some weeks ago I was invited to join a guild. Since it was going to take a while for the Imperial Court to level and gear their toons up enough for raiding, I decided to take the invitation.

After I took the invite, I watched from my super secret hiding place (the top of the tower next to the Silver Enclave) as the officers ran around Dalaran looking for me. It was amusing and scary at the same time because they looked like they were hunting me or something >_<

When they found me, I felt like a bug under a microscope as they inspected my gear and talent build >_< They, of course, wanted a few things changed. And I thought this was supposed to be a laid back guild >_<

They then asked me to jump into Vent so they can talk to me. I'm like, what? No habla Ingles! (No habla Espanol either, but that's not the point.)

So anyway, after gemming and enchanting my ass to make me raid-worthy enough, they gave me a lecture about the guild's rules and expectations. The last sentence was particularly intimidating: "If you leave the guild, we will kill you."

I'm sure the Imperial Court would understand ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Mammoth, pt 2

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I has another mammoth.

I know, I know, I already bought one earlier, but... I don't have one in white yet! >.<

I will now watch some Dora the Explorer episodes. Because I need to be inspired. For something.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Battlestrider

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I has a new mount.

It is a mechanostrider, the gnome mount, which is the closest I can get to a hawkstrider, the blood elf mount. This is because I am actually a blood elf pretending to be human.

Anyway, at least I have a mount that doesn't not fit through doorways now.

I now leave you with a funny onyxia wipe voice chat animation that the Imperial Starfish showed me.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Worm

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I has a worm.

Well, its not really a worm. Its a cobra hatchling pet, but it looks like a miniature version of the hunter worm pet. It was given to me by a friend who switched realms because ours suck. He will be missed Q.Q

Anyway, the Imperial Ambassador went into a dungeon one day and I, of course, brought my new worm with me. See, I have a macro for my Divine Hymn spell that makes my priest say fancy stuff while casting it. But because having a pet worm automatically makes anyone imba, this is what my priest said instead.

Empress: [Demonic] Lok Ashjrakamas Zar azarathud EnkiLZAR!
Ambassador: Uh... Your Majesty, did you just cast your Divine Hymn spell in Demonic?
Empress: ...It's the worm! It's the worm, I tell you! It made me so imba, I'm speaking in tongues!

It turned out that I had the spell Curse of Tongues cast on me, but I still blame the worm!

On our next Exalted game, my Zenith will cast her healing spells in Malfean.



Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Mammoth

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I has a mammoth.

That's me in my Furious Gladiator set by the way. It has become my default outfit when not raiding or doing instances. At least it doesn't make me look like a garbage bag.

Anyway, the reason why I saved up for a mammoth (even if my gear is still ungemmed... mounts take priority over gear ^_^) is because it is my dream to be part of a mammoth train.

That is a mammoth train. It consists of at least two mammoths on a straight line and marching slowly around Dalaran. It's real cute to watch, actually ^_^

The problem with mammoths is the fact that they are too big.

That is me trying to squeeze my mammoth through the Ironforge auction house doorway. Of course, the mammoth will never fit. I also get this problem when trying to go through doorways in battle grounds ^_^

There is only one solution for this problem.

Save up for a smaller mount ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Celestial Steed

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Just because my Internet has been terribad doesn't mean I haven't been keeping abreast with the latest World of Warcraft news ^,..,^

So I went window shopping on the Blizzard Store and saw this beautiful thing.

That, my loyal subjects, is a celestial steed. It is a flying mount made of elemental stardust; enough to make you feel as if Pegasus himself is taking you soaring across the sky. Who cares about robot unicorns? This is the mount that an empress simply must not be seen without.

Did I buy one? Of course not. What's the point of spending $25 on an in-game mount when I can't go online enough to ride it? And don't you infidels accuse me of being a cheapskate. I am an empress, not a billionaire.

But I did go online for a bit just to see what it looked like in-game. So I walked around in Dalaran, hoping to spot someone with a celestial steed. Surely someone in Dalaran must have bought one by now.

And I did spot someone with a celestial steed.

And it was a tauren.

Seriously. The most flamboyant mount in the game and the first person I see riding it was a tauren. That is just so... GAY.

(No offense to my gay friends.)

I will now attempt to appease myself by playing Robot Unicorn Attack like, a bazillion times.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Applebough

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I haven't been doing much raiding recently because my internet connection has become very intermittent. I haven't even been doing more than one heroic dungeon a day. I didn't want anyone to wipe (and have to pay for expensive repair bills) because I happen to have a lag spike at the most inopportune moment. The Imperial Brother and I are considering switching to a different ISP if this doesn't get fixed real soon.

Anyway, to at least help me ease my longing for World of Warcraft, I've been hanging around and exploring Dalaran. I didn't know there was a cloth armor merchant that sell tier 10 pieces here, which means I don't have to travel all the way to the Argent Tournament Grounds just to get them. I also discovered an unused tower wing in the Silver Enclave, where I now park my priest if I want to hide from people but stay in the city (why I'm posting this in a public blog is none of your commoner business).

And most importantly, I discovered this guy.

I always thought that this tree was just another druid waiting for something to do. I didn't realize that this person was actually a vendor, who sells fruits no less. The life of a healer is truly stressful, I suppose, that it chose to retire and become a humble NPC.

I, of course, checked out its wares.

Which caused me to wonder. Where does it get its wares? I hope it's not selling its own childre--- Where the heck did that fresh apple juice come from???

...Right. Okay then.

I like Applebough. It's cute, in a goofy sort of way. But I hope it understands why I'd never patronize it's business ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Raiding with PUGs: A Survival Guide

Greetings my loyal subjects!

(The following post requires some World of Warcraft raiding experience to appreciate.)

Are you a brand new discipline priest? Is this your first 80 toon and have zero experience in any raid? Got no one to teach you fights and must rely on PUGs? Read on!

Okay, I confess, I'm writing this more for myself than for any of you, but you are all ordered by imperial decree to read this anyway ^_^

1) Download the Deadly Boss Mod add-on. I know this will hurt your pride because, what kind of a leet healer needs add-ons? But trust me, there are way too many raid instances and way too many bosses for your non-encyclopedic memory to remember all the fights. Plus, there's too many things happening during a raid and too many people to heal, and you don't have ten billion eyes to see them all. DBM will alert you if a boss is about to do a special ability, if someone's being targeted by a special attack, and to run away if you're the target of the special attack.

2) Download Ventrilo so you can hear the tanks coordinating their attacks (and you know who to heal). Its also a great way to learn quick tips from more experienced raiders. You don't have to let these lowly mortals hear your divine voice if you don't want to.

3) If you don't know the fights, tell the raid lead that you don't know the fights. You don't want to cause the entire raid to wipe because you don't know what the heck to do, and be placed in the raid lead's never-invite-this-person list as a result. Tell them that you don't know the fights, and if they don't want to have to teach you, that's fine. Imperial beggars can't be choosers, and you'll eventually find a raid kind enough to teach you anyway. Besides, you're heals. Heals are hard to find. Raids will be forced to take you in anyway when they don't have a choice.

4) If your latency is above 600ms, log off! DON'T RAID! Do something else, like blog, or practice that stupid change foot spin, or actually get some work done on that new website. Just don't raid! Or the cool kids will shun you forever!!!

5) When somebody posts a healing recount and you don't top it, don't QQ. You're a discipline priest. Anyone you out-heal should be ashamed of themselves. Now if only someone would post a damage mitigation recount...

6) When you make a mistake and cause the raid to wipe, don't make excuses for it. But don't be hard on yourself either, even if the cool kids are all yelling at you. Just learn from that mistake, and move on.

7) Not raid related, but when you queue for that daily heroic, try to take a DPS with you. It will make their waiting time so much shorter. In fact, queue with everyone you know would want to get their daily even when you're done with yours. Not only will it help your faction, but will also win you some friends ^_~ Besides, more EoTs wouldn't hurt, especially if your shoes are still blue.

8) And most of all, have fun ^_^ Remember that this is just a game. Let the nerds have their nerd rage, but don't let them stress you out. Leave the raid if you have to and never raid with that person again if you want ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Achievements

Greetings my loyal subjects!

As you may have noticed, I have recently added an RSS feed to the Imperial Blog that indicates my latest World of Warcraft activities and achievements. I do not want to admit that I am actually proud of these achievements. Sadly, I am T_T

Anyway, I was just wondering. What if there is a shiny banner that pops up above our heads whenever we do a real life achievement, like getting promoted or losing weight?

Or finally learning a new skill in a sport?

Fine, I still can't do a change foot spin to save my life, but I was able to do four of them tonight (out of a bazillion attempts). Well, it was really just me spinning on one foot then changing feet then doing two spins before changing back, but the point is, I was still spinning.

I am SO going to skate all weekend. Geeky board games and online games be damned ^,..,^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Latest Imperial Facebook Adventures

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Since tonight is do-stuff-other-than-play-WoW night (aka server maintenance), I once again did my favorite do-stuff-other-than-play-WoW night activity: checking my Facebook. I got a couple of friend requests, a new uploaded photo, and messed around with the games a bit.

This image was uploaded by one of my former co-workers. Yes, there is a story behind this. See, this particular group of friends I belonged to was one of the craziest group of people in the company. Heck, we were the ones who founded the Drinkers of the Coffee of the Coffee Club Club. Almost all of us have left the company since.

Anyway, one summer, the company was planning its yearly summer outing, complete with parlor games, team-building activities, and general ass-kissing to the bosses. Since we hated the summer outing the year before, my friends and I decided to escape this boredom. And because we were actually bored in the office one day, one of them actually looked for a map of the resort we were going to and drew up an "escape plan". And sent the plan out to our company emails.

Anyway.

The plan was simple. While everyone was busy participating in the ass-kissing activities, we were to sneak out of the area, follow the red lines on the map, and spend the day playing mini-golf instead. Now I don't know if this plan ever worked, because I came up with my own escape plan. I called in sick on the day of the summer outing ^,..,^

Ah, good times ^_^ The one fun thing you don't get to do when you're a freelancer is to bullshit the boss and the company policies ^_^

Before I leave you, my loyal subjects, here is something I saw in the cash shop of King of Kung Fu on Facebook.

Seriously, WTH?

(And it didn't help my WoW withdrawal pains either.)

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Omen

Greetings my loyal subjects!

(The following post may need minimal World of Warcraft raid experience to appreciate. I order you all to read it anyway.)

Full moon + PMS = an emo Empress.

Real world holidays and celebrations have their counterparts in World of Warcraft. The Lunar New Year was no exception. To celebrate the Lunar Festival, as it is called in WoW, one of the quests that adventurers are asked to do is to defeat Omen, a two-headed dog beast thing.

Last Sunday, some allies decided to do just that. I tagged along because, as a priestess, it would be impossible to defeat Omen all by myself. I mean, what do I expect to do, heal him to death?

Anyway, we gathered in Moonglade and formed our raid group. I was surprised when they placed me in a group with a single hunter. I mean, shouldn't I be in the same group as the main tank? Who is the main tank, anyway?

Then the raid leader announced that his pet, a giant worm thing, will be the main tank. Despite the fact that I really should be in the same group as the main tank, or rather, the main tank's owner, I thought, "Hey, I'm epic enough to handle this. I can heal the main tank without having to group with him." So I set focus on the worm then flipped my hair.

Moments before they summoned Omen, an Imperial Ally sent me a private message. "LOL. You're going to heal all by yourself."

I panicked. I thought the Head Imperial Chambermaid would be healing as well, as raid heals while I take MT heals as per our usual set up. Which is why I didn't mind being in a group with a single hunter too much. But it turned out that the Head Imperial Chambermaid was going to do DPS as well.

A dark thought descended upon me. "These people are plotting to discredit my Imperial Epicness! They're deliberately setting me up for failure! This cannot be! Nuuuuuuuu!"

I begged the Imperial Ally to please place me in the same group as the worm's owner. Thankfully, they complied.

So they summoned Omen, the worm tanked, or at least I hoped it did. I don't recall seeing it get damaged, unless my Power Word: Shield is epic enough to prevent that, though the melee DPS were all getting heavy damage, and my Prayer of Mending wasn't bouncing... Anyway, I got hit by a terrible lag spike just as the worm's owner got disconnected. One of the Imperial Slaves died as a result, but we were able to defeat Omen anyway.

So we successfully finished the quest. And no one said anything. We just turned in the quest, people thanked the group for the raid, and that was that. I mean, I'm not a complement whore, its just that usually people would thank me for a decent job. And I just healed a 12-man raid when I'm a Discipline Priest and the main tank is a worm. But really, I didn't mind.

What I did mind was when somebody commented on how imba that worm was. My Imperial Martyrdom couldn't handle it so I ended up kicking the Imperial Dog while screaming, "WHAT THE FRAK? THAT WORM DIDN'T DO SHIT! BUT NOW THAT WORM IS BEING HAILED AS A HERO WHILE I'M BEING TREATED LIKE SOME FART THAT EVERYONE REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE!!!"

Anyway ^_^

What did I expect? There are only two kinds of people who would appreciate my healing, anyway.

1) People who are also healers.
2) People who also have Discipline Priests.
3) People who I will imperially strangle if they don't (i.e, the Imperial Ambassador)

(Yes, all three of them are really just two, so wrap your mortal minds around that.)

Moral of the story: There is an unappreciated priestess behind every imba worm.

Q_Q

Grovel before me, worm!

Q_Q

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Level 80

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Today I have reached level 80 \o/

Heroics here I come!

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

T_T MMORPG

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I am too distracted by World of Warcraft, Warstorm, and Battlestar Galactica to blog.

In the meantime, I will leave you a song that the Head Imperial Chambermaid had stuck in my head for the past two weeks now.

T_T MMORPG

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

When Raiding Goes Wrong

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Last weekend, the Imperial Court, some allies, and I decided to raid Magtheridon's Lair. The raid leader planned our assault very well. And by very well, I meant it took 10-15 minutes to tell everyone what to do. Of course, because I am Empress, I found myself above these mortal instructions so I took a nap during the briefing. Besides, I'm a healer. The only thing I needed to do was to keep the tank alive.

Finally, we found ourselves in front of Magtheridon. We braced ourselves for an epic battle ahead. After some last minute preparations, which took about five minutes, the raid leader gave the signal to charge. So the tank charged right at Magtheridon, while everyone else waited a few seconds before charging in after him.

Except we didn't get to actually charge in. See, right before we stepped into the chamber, a portcullis dropped from the ceiling, blocking our path. We watched helplessly as the poor tank took on the demon by himself.

Needless to say, the Imperial Court and I were laughing our asses off at the fact that though we planned very well, we still got owned by a portcullis.

We were able to defeat Magtheridon that night, after adjusting the battle plan to take the portcullis into account ^_^

Afterward, I marched into the Imperial Brother's bedchamber to tell him what had happened. We were laughing so hard, we nearly swallowed our chewing gum ^_^

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Cabbit is on PetVille!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Because today is do-stuff-other-than-playing-World-of-Warcraft day (a.k.a server maintenance), I checked my Facebook account and discovered that they have a few new games (well, they're probably not that new, but its been ages since I last checked my Facebook so there). I of course tried them out, and since I already made a Cabbit on Pet Society, I decided to make one on PetVille as well ^_^

 

Cabbit hated it of course. She even insisted that she wasn't that dark, and the only reason why she looked thus was because I haven't given her a bath since forever and therefore she is covered in dust.

So of course the first thing we checked out was the clothing store...

...Then I saw another game called Warstorm and I am now hopelessly addicted (it's a collectible card game, without all the fuss!)

PetVille is now all but forgotten. Sorry Cabbit XD

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

And Speaking of Quests...

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I was kicking back and relaxing on the giant mushroom Telredor in Zangarmarsh when I got a quest from Anchorite Ahuurn.

"Return to Feralfen Village and discreetly gather some of their idols so that I may study them. Try to avoid angering them, Empress, as it may hurt our chances of making contact with them."

"What? You want me to steal this hapless village's religious relics in the name of studying them so as to know the best way for you to shove your self-righteous morals up their asses?"

For the sake of experience points, I did it anyway ~_~

I wasn't discreet, of course. I'm a priest not a rogue ~_~ Anyway, I ended up killing more than a handful of villagers in exchange for less than a handful wooden voodoo dolls, all because the draenei back up at Telredor want to help them 'see the light'.


This, my loyal subjects, is how wars start ~_~

 

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

When Questing Goes Wrong

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Recently, I have been accompanying an imperial slave as he adventures through Azeroth and Outland with his paladin. Specifically, he has been doing quests and would rudely interrupt my Battlestar Galactica viewing marathon work whenever he needs a healer to keep him alive while he kills an elite monster.

One day, the imperial slave encountered an ancient shadowmoon spirit somewhere in Shadowmoon Valley. So he goes around collecting certain items for this kindly old spirit, just because he is a good law abiding paladin (and because he needed the experience points).

When all the items have been collected, the ancient shadowmoon spirit gave a wicked grin and said,

"Surely you did not believe the fairy tale that I told you. The Altar of Shadows is my prison. Without your help, I would have been stuck here for all eternity. Now, I will take over your body and you will destroy my captors and break these bonds. Refuse and we will both be stuck here forever."

It turned out that the kindly old spirit was Teron Gorefiend, a powerful and evil death knight! So he possesses the imperial slave, and I was there laughing my arse off because he was so easily fooled, even as he unwillingly killed Gorefiend's warden.

So anyway, after getting over the fact that he had actually helped a dead death knight possess him, the imperial slave met a kindly old troll who so very nicely asked him to massacre the other trolls in Drak'tharon Keep. And because he is a good law abiding paladin, he obliged.

After the deed was done, the kindly old troll appeared and thanked him for his help. Then all of a sudden, none other than the Lich King stepped out of a portal and praised the troll for adding an entire city to his undead armies.

Once again, the imperial slave began cursing his own stupidity because he was fooled into doing something evil yet again, while I was there laughing my arse off (and drooling over Arthas, because I'm a hopeless Arthas fan girl).

The imperial slave has since sworn that he will SO research these quests before agreeing to do them.

But where's the fun in that? ^_^

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

More Crazy Headgear

Greetings my loyal subjects!

My recent adventures in Northrend have yielded new rare gear for my priestess to wear. Utgarde Keep in particular gave me a Reinforced Velvet Helm which I wore right away, without even bothering to see what it looked like.

Later, while I was hanging out in the Ironforge auction house, a random gnome came up to me and said "My, you look like a dominatrix!"

I guess my priestess's ordeal with crazy looking headgear is far from over.

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

More Imperial PUG Adventures!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Unfortunately, this is going to be short since I've been distracted by World of Warcraft and work for the last week :-(

Anyway, I have recently reached level 70 on my priestess. That means I get to try the Northrend dungeons for the first time! So I queue for one using the Dungeon Finder, and I got into a group heading into Utgarde Keep.

It was okay. It was the usual kill the mobs, kill the bosses, get new gear experience. Then we got to the last boss. And killed him.

So he's dead, right? Then the other guys in the group started shouting at me.

"HIDE BEHIND A PILLAR! QUICK!"

I looked around, confused, and asked, "Why?"

Then I hear this terrifying voice say,

"I RETURN! A SECOND CHANCE TO CARVE OUT YOUR SKULL!"

And the resurrected boss dropped right on top of me.

The rest of the group laughed at me as I ran around screaming "OMGOMGOMGOMG" (while keeping everyone alive, of course).

So that was my first ever Northrend dungeon. I've tried the other Northrend dungeons as well, each proving to be more interesting than the last. But they are much more fun than the old dungeons ^_^

...I think I'm gonna go play some more.
KTHXBAI

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Imperial PUG Adventures!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Is this why I always get lost in Azeroth?

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty