Greetings my loyal subjects!
There are changes that have happened in my imperial life, and sometimes these changes happen so fast. Some things have ended, but lots of things have also begun. I have been hurt, but my future looks brighter than it had ever been before.
Because of these changes, there are things I have learned that I will share with you now.
That one shouldn't converse with someone whose eyes they never see or whose voice they never hear, lest the words be misinterpreted;
That just because the message was not heard, doesn't mean the recipient refused to listen; it could be that the message was too ambiguous to understand in the first place;
That in order to end the cycle of pain, one must be prepared to stay their hand and turn around, instead of striking back; and to be prepared to be labeled a coward for it;
That people who hurt others are in terrible pain themselves;
That there are people who derive happiness from other people's misery, but that is not true happiness;
That there are people who derive power from other people's weakness, but that is not true power;
That it is so easy to go along with other people's opinions, and so hard to find out the truth for yourself;
That it is perfectly fine to hate someone, but it takes a certain finesse to treat them with respect;
That no sentient being, no matter how evil, deserves to be treated dishonorably;
That different people have different opinions on what "right" is, but "right" is always hard to do regardless;
And that the truest friends come to you during the saddest point of your life, unbidden, and from the most unexpected places, not to help you fight, but to help you heal.
Meanwhile, my imperial life goes on, and there will be more stories to tell. I hope to continue making you laugh, sometimes at others, but mostly at me and my amusing misadventures ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Java Forever
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Obviously, work has eaten me alive, so I am now sneaking a blog update before I return to my daily eight-hour worship of Java ^_^
In the meantime, I shall leave you with a video that my officemates used to indoctrinate me into the cult of Java ^_^
(Warning: Requires programming knowledge to appreciate)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9JIiCkDyMQ
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
P.S. My officemates are NOT geeks >< (or so they say)
Obviously, work has eaten me alive, so I am now sneaking a blog update before I return to my daily eight-hour worship of Java ^_^
In the meantime, I shall leave you with a video that my officemates used to indoctrinate me into the cult of Java ^_^
(Warning: Requires programming knowledge to appreciate)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9JIiCkDyMQ
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
P.S. My officemates are NOT geeks >< (or so they say)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Geek Trap
Greetings my loyal subjects!
So after weeks of enduring bullying from my so-called non-geeky officemates, I have decided to honor my Imperial legacy and rise against this injustice! Therefore, as my revenge, I have created The Geek Trap!
How To Make A Geeky Officemate Trap, Imperial Style
1) Grab a copy of a video game magazine from the Imperial Consort's office.
2a) Sit next to the target and slowly rifle through the pages.
2b) Dangle the magazine in front of the target's computer monitor.
3) Paste a smug look on your face as target grabs for the magazine.
4) Enjoy the target's confession of geekiness.
Tip: Leave the magazine on your desk. More geeks will reveal themselves once they pick it up ;)
Moral of the story: Geeks are everywhere, you just have to know how to find them (or coax them out of their closets).
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
So after weeks of enduring bullying from my so-called non-geeky officemates, I have decided to honor my Imperial legacy and rise against this injustice! Therefore, as my revenge, I have created The Geek Trap!
How To Make A Geeky Officemate Trap, Imperial Style
1) Grab a copy of a video game magazine from the Imperial Consort's office.
2a) Sit next to the target and slowly rifle through the pages.
2b) Dangle the magazine in front of the target's computer monitor.
3) Paste a smug look on your face as target grabs for the magazine.
4) Enjoy the target's confession of geekiness.
Tip: Leave the magazine on your desk. More geeks will reveal themselves once they pick it up ;)
Moral of the story: Geeks are everywhere, you just have to know how to find them (or coax them out of their closets).
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Work Perks
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Let me tell you some facts about my new work place.
1) It is within walking distance of all the best eating places in this part of the motherland.
2) It is located on the ground floor. Because I am afraid of heights, this is a VERY GOOD thing.
3) FREE MILO. (I know at least one of my readers will be insanely jealous.)
4) There is no dress code, so I can wear whatever the hell I want.
5) Flexi-time, so I can raid in the morning!
6) They have a Wii!
Empress: So, when are the DotA tournaments?
Officemate: Uh, we don't really play DotA here.
Empress: *gasp* What do you do after work!?!?!
Officemate: We go jogging ^_^
Empress: ~_~ Are you sure this is a software development company?
Sheesh.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Let me tell you some facts about my new work place.
1) It is within walking distance of all the best eating places in this part of the motherland.
2) It is located on the ground floor. Because I am afraid of heights, this is a VERY GOOD thing.
3) FREE MILO. (I know at least one of my readers will be insanely jealous.)
4) There is no dress code, so I can wear whatever the hell I want.
5) Flexi-time, so I can raid in the morning!
6) They have a Wii!
So after exchanging pleasantries with my new officemates on my first day of work, I dropped the big question.
Empress: So, when are the DotA tournaments?
Officemate: Uh, we don't really play DotA here.
Empress: *gasp* What do you do after work!?!?!
Officemate: We go jogging ^_^
Empress: ~_~ Are you sure this is a software development company?
So yeah. These people are JOCKS. ~_~ The only games they have on their Wii are either Wii Sports or some variant of it. Haven't they heard of Guitar Hero or Rock Band?
Sheesh.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, July 8, 2010
An Imperial Update
Greetings my loyal subjects!
As you may have noticed, I have been very lapse with updating the Imperial Blog. This is due to some changes that has happened with my Imperial Life. Mainly, I have once again succumbed to the temptation of selling my soul to the corporate devil and now spend eight hours of my life every work day chained to a desk.
Once I have worked out the kinks in my new daily schedule (fitting in raids and skating practice, of course), I will probably be able to regale you with my inane stories more frequently.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
As you may have noticed, I have been very lapse with updating the Imperial Blog. This is due to some changes that has happened with my Imperial Life. Mainly, I have once again succumbed to the temptation of selling my soul to the corporate devil and now spend eight hours of my life every work day chained to a desk.
Once I have worked out the kinks in my new daily schedule (fitting in raids and skating practice, of course), I will probably be able to regale you with my inane stories more frequently.
Her Imperial Majesty
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
No Habla Ingles
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I HAVE NOT DIED!!!
Anyway, some weeks ago I was invited to join a guild. Since it was going to take a while for the Imperial Court to level and gear their toons up enough for raiding, I decided to take the invitation.
After I took the invite, I watched from my super secret hiding place (the top of the tower next to the Silver Enclave) as the officers ran around Dalaran looking for me. It was amusing and scary at the same time because they looked like they were hunting me or something >_<
When they found me, I felt like a bug under a microscope as they inspected my gear and talent build >_< They, of course, wanted a few things changed. And I thought this was supposed to be a laid back guild >_<
They then asked me to jump into Vent so they can talk to me. I'm like, what? No habla Ingles! (No habla Espanol either, but that's not the point.)
So anyway, after gemming and enchanting my ass to make me raid-worthy enough, they gave me a lecture about the guild's rules and expectations. The last sentence was particularly intimidating: "If you leave the guild, we will kill you."
I'm sure the Imperial Court would understand ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I HAVE NOT DIED!!!
Anyway, some weeks ago I was invited to join a guild. Since it was going to take a while for the Imperial Court to level and gear their toons up enough for raiding, I decided to take the invitation.
After I took the invite, I watched from my super secret hiding place (the top of the tower next to the Silver Enclave) as the officers ran around Dalaran looking for me. It was amusing and scary at the same time because they looked like they were hunting me or something >_<
When they found me, I felt like a bug under a microscope as they inspected my gear and talent build >_< They, of course, wanted a few things changed. And I thought this was supposed to be a laid back guild >_<
They then asked me to jump into Vent so they can talk to me. I'm like, what? No habla Ingles! (No habla Espanol either, but that's not the point.)
So anyway, after gemming and enchanting my ass to make me raid-worthy enough, they gave me a lecture about the guild's rules and expectations. The last sentence was particularly intimidating: "If you leave the guild, we will kill you."
I'm sure the Imperial Court would understand ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
No Habla Espanol
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I have not died.
(The following post may require familiarity with Exalted to appreciate.)
Last week, the Imperial Court and I gathered at the Imperial Consort's palace for our Exalted gaming fix. For this session, my Zenith, Raya, and her buddies were sent on a mission into Malfeas to sabotage an impending demonic invasion among other things.
Consort: *draws a map*
Consort: Because you cannot be teleported directly into the Green Sun Empire (otherwise you won't have to play this cool adventure I made for you), you will have to be teleported to Oramus, the Dragon Beyond the World. Near the portal would be an umuhan, a demon the will swallow you and shit you out straight into the Forest of Hrost Vita.
Empress: Ugh.
Consort: At the edge of the forest is a logging camp slash docks where a sandship awaits to take you across Cycelene, the Endless Desert. After you cross the desert, you will see Envela, the Behemoth in Submission. Envela is actually this huge ass centipede that serves as a road...
Empress: Consort, why does your centipede look like a big floppy di--
Consort: Moving on. Eventually you will reach Ipythima, which is like Malfeas' hottest red light district. On Ipythima you will find the Black Lotus Pavillion, which is the biggest building in the district. It's hard to miss.
Empress: *snores*
Consort: Thing is, the master chef in the Conventicle Malfeasent is such a regular customer of the Black Lotus, he had a portal made in the pavillion that leads into the Conventicle kitchens. That's how you will get into the Green Sun Empire.
Empress: Oh how convenient.
Consort: So can you remember how you're supposed to get into the Green Sun Empire?
Empress: First we go through the forest, across the desert, then on to the Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire!
And this is how this session become the first ever episode of Raya the Explorer!
Raya Raya Raya the Explorer~
Cast of Characters:
Raya, Zenith caste Solar as Dora (Her Imperial Majesty's character)
Knife of the Ocean, Night caste Solar as Boots (the Head Imperial Bodyguard' character)
Benjaho, yeddim form Full Moon caste Lunar as Benny the Bull (NPC, the Imperial Consort's character)
Drifter Against the Vast Eternity, Twilight caste Solar as Tico the Squirrel (the Imperial Ambassador's character)
Hanya, Sidereal Chosen of Endings as Isa the Iguana (an Imperial Subject's character)
Storyteller - the Imperial Consort
Raya: Hola Senor Umuhan!
Knife: We need to get the umuhan to open his mouth, so he can shit us out into the Forest of Hrost Vita!
Raya: But Senor Umuhan only speaks Malfean! To get him to open his mouth, we have to say abre! Can you say abre?
Knife: Say abre! Say abre!
Umuhan: *opens mouth*
Knife: We did it, Raya! Now we just have to sit in his mouth and wait for him to swallow us, so he can shit us out!
Knife: *tosses Hanya into the umuhan's mouth*
Knife: Ladies first!
Storyteller: Okay, so the umuhan takes ten motes of essence from each of you...
Knife: Did you hear something, Raya?
Raya: I think it's the umuhan! Did you say something, Senor Umuhan?
Umuhan: Diez esencia.
Raya: Right. We have to pay him ten motes of essence! Here you go, Senor Umuhan!
Umuhan: *swallows the party*
Knife: Wow! Our first taste of hell, and that was one hell of a ride!
Raya: Thanks, Senor Umuhan! Gracias!
Knife: Where are we, Raya?
Raya: We are in the Forest of Hrost Vita! See that giant over there, that's actually Hrost Vita!
Storyteller: Okay, Hrost Vita is the Forest of Lust and Violence. Everyone please roll a temperance check.
Hanya: *fails the temperance roll*
Benjaho: *fails the temperance roll*
Knife: Oh no! What are Hanya and Benjaho doing?
Raya: We have to stop them, before the wake Hrost Vita up and chase us out of the forest!
Knife: Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming! Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming!
Frost Vita: ROAARR!
Knife: We're too late! RUN!
Knife: We made it, Raya! We made it through the forest!
Raya: We are now at the logging camp, and up ahead is the docks where we will catch a sandship to take us across the desert!
Knife: I'm hungry, Raya! Isn't there something to eat around here?
Raya: Don't just eat anything in Malfeas, Knife! We don't know what foods are safe or not! Don't worry, I brought my cache egg with me which is always packed with stuff!
Cache Egg: Cache egg cache egg~ Cache egg cache egg~ I'm the cache egg loaded up with things and knick knacks too~ Anything that you might need I have inside for you~
Raya: Here, Knife, have some good Creation food!
Knife: Yum yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!
Raya: Hola Senor Capitan!
Captain: Hola Raya!
Raya: We need to climb aboard your sandship, so we can cross the desert! Can we climb aboard your sandship, Senor Capitan?
Captain: Si!
Knife: Well that was easy.
Storyteller: On Envela, you hire a palanquin to take you to Ipythima. When you get there, Ipythima herself sees you and asks you to halt.
Ipythima: You, you, you, and you! Both of you five! Come down from that palanquin at once!
Raya: Look, Ipythima has four arms! Can you count her arms?
Knife: Then how is she pointing at all five of us at the same time?
Storyteller: You managed to convince Ipythima to allow you to use the Black Lotus portal to get into the Conventicle Malfeasent kitchens.
Knife: There are demons all over the place, Raya! I can sneak past them, Drifter can cast Flight of Separation, and Benjaho can shapeshift! How will you and Hanya get through?
Raya: I know! Maybe Hanya and I can wear disguises!
Knife: Great idea, Raya! Hanya could be a chef, and you could be a slave!
Raya: La kusinera, la muchacha! La kusinera, la muchacha!
Storyteller: So you finally reach the docks...
Knife: Oh no! Raya, there are three ships! Which one of them is the Creation breaking ship?
Raya: I bet it would be the biggest ship! Bikeno... bikeno... grande! It's that ship!
Hanya: *tosses soulbreaker orb unto the ship*
Raya: Okay let's get the hell out of here.
Knife: We did it, Raya! Even though Hanya destroyed the wrong ship, we were still able to destroy something! And I was able to rescue these stupid Exalts!
Raya: What was your favorite part, Knife?
Knife: My favorite part was sliding down the umuhan's guts and getting shat out into the forest!
Raya: My favorite part was pretending to be la muchacha and wearing a flimsy dress while Hanya pulls the chain around my neck!
Knife: Goodbye!
Raya: Adios!
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I have not died.
(The following post may require familiarity with Exalted to appreciate.)
Last week, the Imperial Court and I gathered at the Imperial Consort's palace for our Exalted gaming fix. For this session, my Zenith, Raya, and her buddies were sent on a mission into Malfeas to sabotage an impending demonic invasion among other things.
Consort: *draws a map*
Empress: Ugh.
Consort: At the edge of the forest is a logging camp slash docks where a sandship awaits to take you across Cycelene, the Endless Desert. After you cross the desert, you will see Envela, the Behemoth in Submission. Envela is actually this huge ass centipede that serves as a road...
Empress: Consort, why does your centipede look like a big floppy di--
Consort: Moving on. Eventually you will reach Ipythima, which is like Malfeas' hottest red light district. On Ipythima you will find the Black Lotus Pavillion, which is the biggest building in the district. It's hard to miss.
Empress: *snores*
Consort: Thing is, the master chef in the Conventicle Malfeasent is such a regular customer of the Black Lotus, he had a portal made in the pavillion that leads into the Conventicle kitchens. That's how you will get into the Green Sun Empire.
Empress: Oh how convenient.
Consort: So can you remember how you're supposed to get into the Green Sun Empire?
Empress: First we go through the forest, across the desert, then on to the Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire!
And this is how this session become the first ever episode of Raya the Explorer!
Cast of Characters:
Raya, Zenith caste Solar as Dora (Her Imperial Majesty's character)
Knife of the Ocean, Night caste Solar as Boots (the Head Imperial Bodyguard' character)
Benjaho, yeddim form Full Moon caste Lunar as Benny the Bull (NPC, the Imperial Consort's character)
Drifter Against the Vast Eternity, Twilight caste Solar as Tico the Squirrel (the Imperial Ambassador's character)
Hanya, Sidereal Chosen of Endings as Isa the Iguana (an Imperial Subject's character)
Storyteller - the Imperial Consort
Raya: Hola Senor Umuhan!
Knife: We need to get the umuhan to open his mouth, so he can shit us out into the Forest of Hrost Vita!
Raya: But Senor Umuhan only speaks Malfean! To get him to open his mouth, we have to say abre! Can you say abre?
Knife: Say abre! Say abre!
Umuhan: *opens mouth*
Knife: We did it, Raya! Now we just have to sit in his mouth and wait for him to swallow us, so he can shit us out!
Knife: *tosses Hanya into the umuhan's mouth*
Knife: Ladies first!
Storyteller: Okay, so the umuhan takes ten motes of essence from each of you...
Knife: Did you hear something, Raya?
Raya: I think it's the umuhan! Did you say something, Senor Umuhan?
Umuhan: Diez esencia.
Raya: Right. We have to pay him ten motes of essence! Here you go, Senor Umuhan!
Umuhan: *swallows the party*
Knife: Wow! Our first taste of hell, and that was one hell of a ride!
Raya: Thanks, Senor Umuhan! Gracias!
Knife: Where are we, Raya?
Raya: We are in the Forest of Hrost Vita! See that giant over there, that's actually Hrost Vita!
Storyteller: Okay, Hrost Vita is the Forest of Lust and Violence. Everyone please roll a temperance check.
Hanya: *fails the temperance roll*
Benjaho: *fails the temperance roll*
Knife: Oh no! What are Hanya and Benjaho doing?
Raya: We have to stop them, before the wake Hrost Vita up and chase us out of the forest!
Knife: Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming! Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming!
Frost Vita: ROAARR!
Knife: We're too late! RUN!
Knife: We made it, Raya! We made it through the forest!
Raya: We are now at the logging camp, and up ahead is the docks where we will catch a sandship to take us across the desert!
Knife: I'm hungry, Raya! Isn't there something to eat around here?
Raya: Don't just eat anything in Malfeas, Knife! We don't know what foods are safe or not! Don't worry, I brought my cache egg with me which is always packed with stuff!
Cache Egg: Cache egg cache egg~ Cache egg cache egg~ I'm the cache egg loaded up with things and knick knacks too~ Anything that you might need I have inside for you~
Raya: Here, Knife, have some good Creation food!
Knife: Yum yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!
Raya: Hola Senor Capitan!
Captain: Hola Raya!
Raya: We need to climb aboard your sandship, so we can cross the desert! Can we climb aboard your sandship, Senor Capitan?
Captain: Si!
Knife: Well that was easy.
Storyteller: On Envela, you hire a palanquin to take you to Ipythima. When you get there, Ipythima herself sees you and asks you to halt.
Ipythima: You, you, you, and you! Both of you five! Come down from that palanquin at once!
Raya: Look, Ipythima has four arms! Can you count her arms?
Knife: Then how is she pointing at all five of us at the same time?
Storyteller: You managed to convince Ipythima to allow you to use the Black Lotus portal to get into the Conventicle Malfeasent kitchens.
Knife: There are demons all over the place, Raya! I can sneak past them, Drifter can cast Flight of Separation, and Benjaho can shapeshift! How will you and Hanya get through?
Raya: I know! Maybe Hanya and I can wear disguises!
Knife: Great idea, Raya! Hanya could be a chef, and you could be a slave!
Raya: La kusinera, la muchacha! La kusinera, la muchacha!
Storyteller: So you finally reach the docks...
Knife: Oh no! Raya, there are three ships! Which one of them is the Creation breaking ship?
Raya: I bet it would be the biggest ship! Bikeno... bikeno... grande! It's that ship!
Hanya: *tosses soulbreaker orb unto the ship*
Raya: Okay let's get the hell out of here.
Knife: We did it, Raya! Even though Hanya destroyed the wrong ship, we were still able to destroy something! And I was able to rescue these stupid Exalts!
Raya: What was your favorite part, Knife?
Knife: My favorite part was sliding down the umuhan's guts and getting shat out into the forest!
Raya: My favorite part was pretending to be la muchacha and wearing a flimsy dress while Hanya pulls the chain around my neck!
Knife: Goodbye!
Raya: Adios!
Her Imperial Majesty
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Teeth
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Today, the Internet in the Imperial Palace died for a few hours. This left me and the Imperial Brother no choice but to, well, not do chores of course, but to grab the remote control and look for something to watch on TV.
So we ended up watching Teeth on Star Movies. We didn't get to watch it from the beginning, but we sort of got the gist of it. It's about this Christian girl who is obsessed with "purity", then finding out that she has this medical condition called vagina dentata. This means that her vagina has teeth. I actually looked this up and to my horror, I discovered that such myths actually exist. (According to Wikipedia anyway... not that Wikipedia is a reliable source...)
Anyway, those teeth must have rivaled any piranha's because they manage to cut the penises of anyone who tries to have sex with her (or the fingers of anyone who tries to finger her). Tasteless, I know. I'm not even going to apologize for putting up spoilers on here because you wouldn't want to watch this movie anyway.
I mean, come on! What sane person would come up with a movie about teeth in a vagina? I bet whoever made this movie was toked up one night, stumbled upon the term, and thought it was hilarious. That, or he's a 12-year-old boy.
In fact, I think there are only two scenes here that are worth watching at all. The first one is when she tried to have sex with her brother, whose penis got cut off. He tries to get his dog to attack her but it ends up eating the severed organ instead. The second one is when she hitched a ride with a dirty old man, who made disturbingly hilarious faces at her after he brought her to a motel.
The Imperial Brother and I seriously wondered if that movie earned any money at all. It probably would have if the girl was hot, but really...
Anyway, we got our Internet back, so we can at least move in with our happy little imperial lives ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Today, the Internet in the Imperial Palace died for a few hours. This left me and the Imperial Brother no choice but to, well, not do chores of course, but to grab the remote control and look for something to watch on TV.
So we ended up watching Teeth on Star Movies. We didn't get to watch it from the beginning, but we sort of got the gist of it. It's about this Christian girl who is obsessed with "purity", then finding out that she has this medical condition called vagina dentata. This means that her vagina has teeth. I actually looked this up and to my horror, I discovered that such myths actually exist. (According to Wikipedia anyway... not that Wikipedia is a reliable source...)
Anyway, those teeth must have rivaled any piranha's because they manage to cut the penises of anyone who tries to have sex with her (or the fingers of anyone who tries to finger her). Tasteless, I know. I'm not even going to apologize for putting up spoilers on here because you wouldn't want to watch this movie anyway.
I mean, come on! What sane person would come up with a movie about teeth in a vagina? I bet whoever made this movie was toked up one night, stumbled upon the term, and thought it was hilarious. That, or he's a 12-year-old boy.
In fact, I think there are only two scenes here that are worth watching at all. The first one is when she tried to have sex with her brother, whose penis got cut off. He tries to get his dog to attack her but it ends up eating the severed organ instead. The second one is when she hitched a ride with a dirty old man, who made disturbingly hilarious faces at her after he brought her to a motel.
The Imperial Brother and I seriously wondered if that movie earned any money at all. It probably would have if the girl was hot, but really...
Anyway, we got our Internet back, so we can at least move in with our happy little imperial lives ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Mammoth, pt 2
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I has another mammoth.
I know, I know, I already bought one earlier, but... I don't have one in white yet! >.<
I will now watch some Dora the Explorer episodes. Because I need to be inspired. For something.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I has another mammoth.
I know, I know, I already bought one earlier, but... I don't have one in white yet! >.<
I will now watch some Dora the Explorer episodes. Because I need to be inspired. For something.
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Plastic, Eggs, and Bacon
Greetings my loyal subjects!
The imperial chambermaids did a most preposterous thing! They have left the Imperial Palace for their home province because they wanted to be part of their pathetic commoner festival! This left me and the Imperial Brother in quite a predicament.
Today, the Imperial Brother demanded -er- requested bacon and eggs for breakfast -er- dinner. Because I am a kind, loving, and generous Empress, I indulged him. I steeled myself and marched into that area of the palace where no empress should be seen working - the kitchen.
So I set about preparing the Imperial Brother's meal. I first cooked the eggs, which he demanded -er- requested to be sunny side up, and here is the result.
I ended up scrambling one of them because I cracked the shell in the wrong spot and the egg landed on the frying pan with a broken yolk >_<
Now this, my loyal subjects, is an innocent looking place mat.
As you can see, it is made of plastic.
Now this is what happens when you accidentally place a hot frying pan on top of an innocent plastic place mat.
Congratulations, Empress, you have just contributed to the widening of the hole in the ozone layer.
Anyway, I underestimated the amount of bacon left in the freezer, and this is how much I was able to make >_<
And that, my loyal subjects, is the Imperial Brother's dinner. He will eat it, and enjoy it, or it is off with his head.
Needless to say, my cooking skill has now increased by 1 ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
The imperial chambermaids did a most preposterous thing! They have left the Imperial Palace for their home province because they wanted to be part of their pathetic commoner festival! This left me and the Imperial Brother in quite a predicament.
Today, the Imperial Brother demanded -er- requested bacon and eggs for breakfast -er- dinner. Because I am a kind, loving, and generous Empress, I indulged him. I steeled myself and marched into that area of the palace where no empress should be seen working - the kitchen.
So I set about preparing the Imperial Brother's meal. I first cooked the eggs, which he demanded -er- requested to be sunny side up, and here is the result.
I ended up scrambling one of them because I cracked the shell in the wrong spot and the egg landed on the frying pan with a broken yolk >_<
Now this, my loyal subjects, is an innocent looking place mat.
As you can see, it is made of plastic.
Now this is what happens when you accidentally place a hot frying pan on top of an innocent plastic place mat.
Congratulations, Empress, you have just contributed to the widening of the hole in the ozone layer.
Anyway, I underestimated the amount of bacon left in the freezer, and this is how much I was able to make >_<
And that, my loyal subjects, is the Imperial Brother's dinner. He will eat it, and enjoy it, or it is off with his head.
Needless to say, my cooking skill has now increased by 1 ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Battlestrider
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I has a new mount.
It is a mechanostrider, the gnome mount, which is the closest I can get to a hawkstrider, the blood elf mount. This is because I am actually a blood elf pretending to be human.
Anyway, at least I have a mount that doesn't not fit through doorways now.
I now leave you with a funny onyxia wipe voice chat animation that the Imperial Starfish showed me.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I has a new mount.
It is a mechanostrider, the gnome mount, which is the closest I can get to a hawkstrider, the blood elf mount. This is because I am actually a blood elf pretending to be human.
Anyway, at least I have a mount that doesn't not fit through doorways now.
I now leave you with a funny onyxia wipe voice chat animation that the Imperial Starfish showed me.
Her Imperial Majesty
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Dam
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Last weekend, the Imperial Consort and I visited a friend's palace because he needed inspiration for the new game world he was creating. So we spent the afternoon hanging out at the palace's roof deck and just throwing ideas at each other.
Eventually, we came up with an empire that built a dam on the mouth of a huge lake.
Empress: ...and people also live around the dammed lake because that area is fertile.
Consort: *smirk*
Empress: ...and people also live on the dam itself so that the dam engineers can repair it when necessary.
Consort: *snicker*
Empress: ...maybe there's a city on the dam, so there is a separate dam area for the engineers to work in.
Consort: *snort*
Empress: ...to protect it, they built a dam wall, and the dam soldiers have huge crossbows all over.
Consort: Hahahahaha!
Empress: ~_~ You know what, let's just call it the Big Dam City ~_~ The dam people live there, and the dam food is good, what with the dam fish growing so fat and easy to catch.
Consort: You're so dam funny!
Needless to say, the pun lasted well into the evening. We ate delicious homemade curry rice for dinner and had banana milk shakes spiked with rose water and cardamom for dessert ^_^
Hope we all have a dam good week ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Last weekend, the Imperial Consort and I visited a friend's palace because he needed inspiration for the new game world he was creating. So we spent the afternoon hanging out at the palace's roof deck and just throwing ideas at each other.
Eventually, we came up with an empire that built a dam on the mouth of a huge lake.
Empress: ...and people also live around the dammed lake because that area is fertile.
Consort: *smirk*
Empress: ...and people also live on the dam itself so that the dam engineers can repair it when necessary.
Consort: *snicker*
Empress: ...maybe there's a city on the dam, so there is a separate dam area for the engineers to work in.
Consort: *snort*
Empress: ...to protect it, they built a dam wall, and the dam soldiers have huge crossbows all over.
Consort: Hahahahaha!
Empress: ~_~ You know what, let's just call it the Big Dam City ~_~ The dam people live there, and the dam food is good, what with the dam fish growing so fat and easy to catch.
Consort: You're so dam funny!
Needless to say, the pun lasted well into the evening. We ate delicious homemade curry rice for dinner and had banana milk shakes spiked with rose water and cardamom for dessert ^_^
Hope we all have a dam good week ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Friday, May 14, 2010
Worm
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I has a worm.
Well, its not really a worm. Its a cobra hatchling pet, but it looks like a miniature version of the hunter worm pet. It was given to me by a friend who switched realms because ours suck. He will be missed Q.Q
Anyway, the Imperial Ambassador went into a dungeon one day and I, of course, brought my new worm with me. See, I have a macro for my Divine Hymn spell that makes my priest say fancy stuff while casting it. But because having a pet worm automatically makes anyone imba, this is what my priest said instead.
Empress: [Demonic] Lok Ashjrakamas Zar azarathud EnkiLZAR!
Ambassador: Uh... Your Majesty, did you just cast your Divine Hymn spell in Demonic?
Empress: ...It's the worm! It's the worm, I tell you! It made me so imba, I'm speaking in tongues!
It turned out that I had the spell Curse of Tongues cast on me, but I still blame the worm!
On our next Exalted game, my Zenith will cast her healing spells in Malfean.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I has a worm.
Well, its not really a worm. Its a cobra hatchling pet, but it looks like a miniature version of the hunter worm pet. It was given to me by a friend who switched realms because ours suck. He will be missed Q.Q
Anyway, the Imperial Ambassador went into a dungeon one day and I, of course, brought my new worm with me. See, I have a macro for my Divine Hymn spell that makes my priest say fancy stuff while casting it. But because having a pet worm automatically makes anyone imba, this is what my priest said instead.
Empress: [Demonic] Lok Ashjrakamas Zar azarathud EnkiLZAR!
Ambassador: Uh... Your Majesty, did you just cast your Divine Hymn spell in Demonic?
Empress: ...It's the worm! It's the worm, I tell you! It made me so imba, I'm speaking in tongues!
It turned out that I had the spell Curse of Tongues cast on me, but I still blame the worm!
On our next Exalted game, my Zenith will cast her healing spells in Malfean.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Mammoth
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I has a mammoth.
That's me in my Furious Gladiator set by the way. It has become my default outfit when not raiding or doing instances. At least it doesn't make me look like a garbage bag.
Anyway, the reason why I saved up for a mammoth (even if my gear is still ungemmed... mounts take priority over gear ^_^) is because it is my dream to be part of a mammoth train.
That is a mammoth train. It consists of at least two mammoths on a straight line and marching slowly around Dalaran. It's real cute to watch, actually ^_^
The problem with mammoths is the fact that they are too big.
That is me trying to squeeze my mammoth through the Ironforge auction house doorway. Of course, the mammoth will never fit. I also get this problem when trying to go through doorways in battle grounds ^_^
There is only one solution for this problem.
Save up for a smaller mount ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I has a mammoth.
That's me in my Furious Gladiator set by the way. It has become my default outfit when not raiding or doing instances. At least it doesn't make me look like a garbage bag.
Anyway, the reason why I saved up for a mammoth (even if my gear is still ungemmed... mounts take priority over gear ^_^) is because it is my dream to be part of a mammoth train.
That is a mammoth train. It consists of at least two mammoths on a straight line and marching slowly around Dalaran. It's real cute to watch, actually ^_^
The problem with mammoths is the fact that they are too big.
That is me trying to squeeze my mammoth through the Ironforge auction house doorway. Of course, the mammoth will never fit. I also get this problem when trying to go through doorways in battle grounds ^_^
There is only one solution for this problem.
Save up for a smaller mount ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Friday, May 7, 2010
iPad
Greetings my loyal subjects!
It started with an innocent question.
"Empy, what is an iPad?"
I knew that the Imperial Mother has been wanting to get herself a netbook so she can surf the Internet wherever she goes, and when she asked that question when we were talking on the phone one day, I told her to get on her computer and log on to her IM. I then sent her a link to this video.
So the Imperial Mother was watching the video and began squealing with glee on how cool she thinks it is and how she's definitely buying one >_< Just then, the Imperial Father decided to look over my shoulder where my lappy is playing the same video and watched for awhile.
Then, the Imperial Father was tugging on my sleeve squealing with glee on how cool he thinks it is and how he's definitely buying one >_<
Parents >_< They lecture us on how tough things were back in their day with the lack of cellphones and the Internet, and a new gadget shows up and they want to buy it right away.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
It started with an innocent question.
"Empy, what is an iPad?"
I knew that the Imperial Mother has been wanting to get herself a netbook so she can surf the Internet wherever she goes, and when she asked that question when we were talking on the phone one day, I told her to get on her computer and log on to her IM. I then sent her a link to this video.
So the Imperial Mother was watching the video and began squealing with glee on how cool she thinks it is and how she's definitely buying one >_< Just then, the Imperial Father decided to look over my shoulder where my lappy is playing the same video and watched for awhile.
Then, the Imperial Father was tugging on my sleeve squealing with glee on how cool he thinks it is and how he's definitely buying one >_<
Parents >_< They lecture us on how tough things were back in their day with the lack of cellphones and the Internet, and a new gadget shows up and they want to buy it right away.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Tale of the Drunk Octopus
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Like I said, I had my emo haircut some time back and have been skating with the bangs covering my face. So last week I was warming up by doing Salchow jumps...
...and fell.
The fall wasn't so bad, but because I'm a closet emo drama queen, I rolled unto my back and lied down flat on the ice. I began flailing my arms and legs about like a helpless, well, emo.
"BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB!" I cried.
At this point, sifu skated over to me and screamed, "GET UP! YOU LOOK LIKE A DRUNK OCTOPUS!"
Well. He did have a point.
On my next Exalted game, my Lunar will get herself drunk and assume an octopus form.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Like I said, I had my emo haircut some time back and have been skating with the bangs covering my face. So last week I was warming up by doing Salchow jumps...
...and fell.
The fall wasn't so bad, but because I'm a closet emo drama queen, I rolled unto my back and lied down flat on the ice. I began flailing my arms and legs about like a helpless, well, emo.
"BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB!" I cried.
At this point, sifu skated over to me and screamed, "GET UP! YOU LOOK LIKE A DRUNK OCTOPUS!"
Well. He did have a point.
On my next Exalted game, my Lunar will get herself drunk and assume an octopus form.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Friday, April 30, 2010
New Haircut!
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Skaters should always keep their hair away from their face. My hair was getting too long for me to fix for skating so last weekend, I want to my salon to get a haircut.
I also had bangs put in. As you can see, the bangs are short enough to freely fall unto my face and long enough to cover it. This is intentional, because I am actually a closet emo.
This also drove sifu nuts.
(I also found myself swiping the bangs out of my face whenever I do a jump, a spin, practically anything ^_^)
Well, at least my hair is much shorter now ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Skaters should always keep their hair away from their face. My hair was getting too long for me to fix for skating so last weekend, I want to my salon to get a haircut.
I also had bangs put in. As you can see, the bangs are short enough to freely fall unto my face and long enough to cover it. This is intentional, because I am actually a closet emo.
This also drove sifu nuts.
(I also found myself swiping the bangs out of my face whenever I do a jump, a spin, practically anything ^_^)
Well, at least my hair is much shorter now ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
New ISP!
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I have now subscribed to a new ISP \o/
I am now busy playing WoW.
Don't bother me.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I have now subscribed to a new ISP \o/
I am now busy playing WoW.
Don't bother me.
Her Imperial Majesty
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Celestial Steed
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Just because my Internet has been terribad doesn't mean I haven't been keeping abreast with the latest World of Warcraft news ^,..,^
So I went window shopping on the Blizzard Store and saw this beautiful thing.
That, my loyal subjects, is a celestial steed. It is a flying mount made of elemental stardust; enough to make you feel as if Pegasus himself is taking you soaring across the sky. Who cares about robot unicorns? This is the mount that an empress simply must not be seen without.
Did I buy one? Of course not. What's the point of spending $25 on an in-game mount when I can't go online enough to ride it? And don't you infidels accuse me of being a cheapskate. I am an empress, not a billionaire.
But I did go online for a bit just to see what it looked like in-game. So I walked around in Dalaran, hoping to spot someone with a celestial steed. Surely someone in Dalaran must have bought one by now.
And I did spot someone with a celestial steed.
And it was a tauren.
Seriously. The most flamboyant mount in the game and the first person I see riding it was a tauren. That is just so... GAY.
(No offense to my gay friends.)
I will now attempt to appease myself by playing Robot Unicorn Attack like, a bazillion times.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Just because my Internet has been terribad doesn't mean I haven't been keeping abreast with the latest World of Warcraft news ^,..,^
So I went window shopping on the Blizzard Store and saw this beautiful thing.
That, my loyal subjects, is a celestial steed. It is a flying mount made of elemental stardust; enough to make you feel as if Pegasus himself is taking you soaring across the sky. Who cares about robot unicorns? This is the mount that an empress simply must not be seen without.
Did I buy one? Of course not. What's the point of spending $25 on an in-game mount when I can't go online enough to ride it? And don't you infidels accuse me of being a cheapskate. I am an empress, not a billionaire.
But I did go online for a bit just to see what it looked like in-game. So I walked around in Dalaran, hoping to spot someone with a celestial steed. Surely someone in Dalaran must have bought one by now.
And I did spot someone with a celestial steed.
And it was a tauren.
Seriously. The most flamboyant mount in the game and the first person I see riding it was a tauren. That is just so... GAY.
(No offense to my gay friends.)
I will now attempt to appease myself by playing Robot Unicorn Attack like, a bazillion times.
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tale of the Gummy Burger
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I recently passed my Freestyle 3 test (YAY \o/) and will start Freestyle 4 lessons next week. This means that I could finally, finally do a passable change foot spin. But not without going through half of the coaching staff in my rink first.
My sifu, after getting frustrated at my inability to learn that change foot spin in a month, passed me on to the rink's spinning expert. He instructed me for another month, at the end of which was when I could finally rotate the spin. During this time, some of the other coaches also pitied me and gave me tips on how I could do the spin more consistently.
One of the coaches, Coach B, spent an entire afternoon doing just that. He dragged me to the middle of the rink and practically gave me step by step instruction on how to do that spin. And I didn't pay him a single cent ^_^
Anyway, that afternoon was the start of my eureka moment, leading to my eventually mastering the spin enough to pass the test.
Last weekend, Coach B asked me to demonstrate my one foot spin to his student who just couldn't get how to do it. He told her that I had a hard time learning the one foot spin too (true), but now can do it beautifully (modesty aside, of course ^_^ Lots of people have commented on how good my one foot spin looks now ^_^). But the kid still couldn't get it. Eventually, Coach B skated away in frustration saying "Can you just show her how to do it, just one more time?"
Because Coach B exerted so much effort teaching me the change foot spin, I showed my one foot spin to her over and over, and explained to her what I did step by step. I also taught her what I did to finally learn it. By the end of the afternoon, she could do two rotations ^_^
After the session, she came over to me, said thanks, and handed me a gummy burger ^_^ It felt so good helping out other people who enjoy doing the same things you do ^_^ It also proves that not all kids who skate are brats ^_^
(I am not planning to become a skating coach in the future, though >_< Like I always say, I hate being cold, I'm scared of heights, and I get dizzy easily. I'm not that masochistic ^_^)
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I recently passed my Freestyle 3 test (YAY \o/) and will start Freestyle 4 lessons next week. This means that I could finally, finally do a passable change foot spin. But not without going through half of the coaching staff in my rink first.
My sifu, after getting frustrated at my inability to learn that change foot spin in a month, passed me on to the rink's spinning expert. He instructed me for another month, at the end of which was when I could finally rotate the spin. During this time, some of the other coaches also pitied me and gave me tips on how I could do the spin more consistently.
One of the coaches, Coach B, spent an entire afternoon doing just that. He dragged me to the middle of the rink and practically gave me step by step instruction on how to do that spin. And I didn't pay him a single cent ^_^
Anyway, that afternoon was the start of my eureka moment, leading to my eventually mastering the spin enough to pass the test.
Last weekend, Coach B asked me to demonstrate my one foot spin to his student who just couldn't get how to do it. He told her that I had a hard time learning the one foot spin too (true), but now can do it beautifully (modesty aside, of course ^_^ Lots of people have commented on how good my one foot spin looks now ^_^). But the kid still couldn't get it. Eventually, Coach B skated away in frustration saying "Can you just show her how to do it, just one more time?"
Because Coach B exerted so much effort teaching me the change foot spin, I showed my one foot spin to her over and over, and explained to her what I did step by step. I also taught her what I did to finally learn it. By the end of the afternoon, she could do two rotations ^_^
After the session, she came over to me, said thanks, and handed me a gummy burger ^_^ It felt so good helping out other people who enjoy doing the same things you do ^_^ It also proves that not all kids who skate are brats ^_^
(I am not planning to become a skating coach in the future, though >_< Like I always say, I hate being cold, I'm scared of heights, and I get dizzy easily. I'm not that masochistic ^_^)
Her Imperial Majesty
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Updated Imperial Seal!
Greetings my loyal subjects!
The Imperial Ambassador has updated the Imperial Seal!
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
The Imperial Ambassador has updated the Imperial Seal!
Her Imperial Majesty
Friday, April 16, 2010
Final Fantasy Tactics
Greetings my loyal subjects!
"God, please help us sinful children of Ivalice."
Anyone who's ever played and enjoyed Final Fantasy Tactics would find Princess Ovelia's opening line when she prays in the Orbonne Monastery memorable. Another would be Delita's infamous "Don't blame us. Blame yourself or God." These are but snippets of the epic tales of strife and heroism that my generation grew up with.
Anyway, as the Imperial Brother and I sat down for our evening meal, he happily told me about the PlayStation emulator he just got.
Empress: Cool! What games did you get with it?
Brother: Final Fantasy Tactics.
Empress: But Brother, I already have a Final Fantasy Tactics UMD stashed somewhere in the imperial bedchamber.
Brother: I know that. I 'borrowed' your PSP and UMD while you were in exile.
Empress: ~_~
Brother: I had a hard time playing the PSP version because the game was scripted in old English. I got nosebleeds.
Empress: What? I played through the entire PSP version and didn't notice anything!
Brother: That's because you have superior imperial intelligence. But seriously, I wouldn't understand the story if I didn't finish the game already in the original version. I bet if I let the Imperial Houseboy play the PSP version he wouldn't understand anything at all.
So I decided to investigate. I found my PlayStation Portable in the Imperial Brother's bedchamber (because apparently he forgot to return it after 'borrowing' it) and popped Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War in. I got goosebumps from the nostalgia and the feeling of epicness that the game's soundtrack evokes even as I skip through the intro.
Then I finally reached the Princess Ovelia scene and braced myself to see her familiar and memorable opening line.
Ovelia: O Father, abandon not Your wayward children of Ivalice, but deliver us from our sins, that we might know salvation.
Empress: What the fuck!?!?!
I was so shocked I restarted the game. And re-read Ovelia's opening line.
Empress: Imperial Brother! Ovelia's speaking in old English!
I loaded the Imperial Brother's saved game and took a closer look at the characters' dialogue.
Ramza: That's the first I've heard of it. This has not the sound of a state visit.
Delita: All of Ivalice is in turmoil. The Order's supposed to be keeping things under control, but the fact is, they number too few.
Ramza: And they mean to bolster their numbers with us?
Empress: Aw come on, Imperial Brother, this shit isn't *that* hard to understand.
Zalbag: We will be able to recall our forces in Zeltennia anon. All goes as planned, Lord Father. Be not troubled.
Empress: What the... What the fuck is "anon"?!?!? *nosebleeds, then cracks open nearest dictionary*
Okay, this isn't exactly "old English" like the Imperial Brother claimed, but I can see his point. I don't remember FF:Tactics game script to be this, well, "fancy".
FF:Tactics
Balbanes: He may be your half brother, but he is my own flesh.
vs
The Lion War
Balbanes: Though he be not the issue of the womb that bore you, my sons, still my blood courses his veins.
FF:Tactics
Algus: Please let me have 100 soldiers!
vs
The Lion War
Algus: Lend me a hundred men that I might hunt the whoresons down!
FF:Tactics
Zalbag: Guarding a castle is boring work. Don't you think?
vs
The Lion War
Zalbag: Guarding a castle grows dreadfully dull... Wouldn't you agree?
I like the PSP version better though. In the original version, there are scenes that I found confusing, i.e. the boys going after Zalbag's messenger. In the PSP version, it was very clear to me that Zalbag tricked the boys into doing it.
I wonder why I never noticed this the last time I played the PSP version...
Anyway, in case you, my loyal subjects, are curious, here are the game scripts for Final Fantasy Tactics (original version) and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War (PSP version). I found comparing the two scripts immensely entertaining ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
"God, please help us sinful children of Ivalice."
Anyone who's ever played and enjoyed Final Fantasy Tactics would find Princess Ovelia's opening line when she prays in the Orbonne Monastery memorable. Another would be Delita's infamous "Don't blame us. Blame yourself or God." These are but snippets of the epic tales of strife and heroism that my generation grew up with.
Anyway, as the Imperial Brother and I sat down for our evening meal, he happily told me about the PlayStation emulator he just got.
Empress: Cool! What games did you get with it?
Brother: Final Fantasy Tactics.
Empress: But Brother, I already have a Final Fantasy Tactics UMD stashed somewhere in the imperial bedchamber.
Brother: I know that. I 'borrowed' your PSP and UMD while you were in exile.
Empress: ~_~
Brother: I had a hard time playing the PSP version because the game was scripted in old English. I got nosebleeds.
Empress: What? I played through the entire PSP version and didn't notice anything!
Brother: That's because you have superior imperial intelligence. But seriously, I wouldn't understand the story if I didn't finish the game already in the original version. I bet if I let the Imperial Houseboy play the PSP version he wouldn't understand anything at all.
So I decided to investigate. I found my PlayStation Portable in the Imperial Brother's bedchamber (because apparently he forgot to return it after 'borrowing' it) and popped Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War in. I got goosebumps from the nostalgia and the feeling of epicness that the game's soundtrack evokes even as I skip through the intro.
Then I finally reached the Princess Ovelia scene and braced myself to see her familiar and memorable opening line.
Ovelia: O Father, abandon not Your wayward children of Ivalice, but deliver us from our sins, that we might know salvation.
Empress: What the fuck!?!?!
I was so shocked I restarted the game. And re-read Ovelia's opening line.
Empress: Imperial Brother! Ovelia's speaking in old English!
I loaded the Imperial Brother's saved game and took a closer look at the characters' dialogue.
Ramza: That's the first I've heard of it. This has not the sound of a state visit.
Delita: All of Ivalice is in turmoil. The Order's supposed to be keeping things under control, but the fact is, they number too few.
Ramza: And they mean to bolster their numbers with us?
Empress: Aw come on, Imperial Brother, this shit isn't *that* hard to understand.
Zalbag: We will be able to recall our forces in Zeltennia anon. All goes as planned, Lord Father. Be not troubled.
Empress: What the... What the fuck is "anon"?!?!? *nosebleeds, then cracks open nearest dictionary*
Okay, this isn't exactly "old English" like the Imperial Brother claimed, but I can see his point. I don't remember FF:Tactics game script to be this, well, "fancy".
FF:Tactics
Balbanes: He may be your half brother, but he is my own flesh.
vs
The Lion War
Balbanes: Though he be not the issue of the womb that bore you, my sons, still my blood courses his veins.
FF:Tactics
Algus: Please let me have 100 soldiers!
vs
The Lion War
Algus: Lend me a hundred men that I might hunt the whoresons down!
FF:Tactics
Zalbag: Guarding a castle is boring work. Don't you think?
vs
The Lion War
Zalbag: Guarding a castle grows dreadfully dull... Wouldn't you agree?
I like the PSP version better though. In the original version, there are scenes that I found confusing, i.e. the boys going after Zalbag's messenger. In the PSP version, it was very clear to me that Zalbag tricked the boys into doing it.
I wonder why I never noticed this the last time I played the PSP version...
Anyway, in case you, my loyal subjects, are curious, here are the game scripts for Final Fantasy Tactics (original version) and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War (PSP version). I found comparing the two scripts immensely entertaining ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Apple Juice
So I poured myself a glass of apple juice just now, and the Imperial Brother said,
"Ewww Applebough's pee!"
My life is now changed >.<
"Ewww Applebough's pee!"
My life is now changed >.<
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Applebough
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I haven't been doing much raiding recently because my internet connection has become very intermittent. I haven't even been doing more than one heroic dungeon a day. I didn't want anyone to wipe (and have to pay for expensive repair bills) because I happen to have a lag spike at the most inopportune moment. The Imperial Brother and I are considering switching to a different ISP if this doesn't get fixed real soon.
Anyway, to at least help me ease my longing for World of Warcraft, I've been hanging around and exploring Dalaran. I didn't know there was a cloth armor merchant that sell tier 10 pieces here, which means I don't have to travel all the way to the Argent Tournament Grounds just to get them. I also discovered an unused tower wing in the Silver Enclave, where I now park my priest if I want to hide from people but stay in the city (why I'm posting this in a public blog is none of your commoner business).
And most importantly, I discovered this guy.
I always thought that this tree was just another druid waiting for something to do. I didn't realize that this person was actually a vendor, who sells fruits no less. The life of a healer is truly stressful, I suppose, that it chose to retire and become a humble NPC.
I, of course, checked out its wares.
Which caused me to wonder. Where does it get its wares? I hope it's not selling its own childre--- Where the heck did that fresh apple juice come from???
...Right. Okay then.
I like Applebough. It's cute, in a goofy sort of way. But I hope it understands why I'd never patronize it's business ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I haven't been doing much raiding recently because my internet connection has become very intermittent. I haven't even been doing more than one heroic dungeon a day. I didn't want anyone to wipe (and have to pay for expensive repair bills) because I happen to have a lag spike at the most inopportune moment. The Imperial Brother and I are considering switching to a different ISP if this doesn't get fixed real soon.
Anyway, to at least help me ease my longing for World of Warcraft, I've been hanging around and exploring Dalaran. I didn't know there was a cloth armor merchant that sell tier 10 pieces here, which means I don't have to travel all the way to the Argent Tournament Grounds just to get them. I also discovered an unused tower wing in the Silver Enclave, where I now park my priest if I want to hide from people but stay in the city (why I'm posting this in a public blog is none of your commoner business).
And most importantly, I discovered this guy.
I always thought that this tree was just another druid waiting for something to do. I didn't realize that this person was actually a vendor, who sells fruits no less. The life of a healer is truly stressful, I suppose, that it chose to retire and become a humble NPC.
I, of course, checked out its wares.
Which caused me to wonder. Where does it get its wares? I hope it's not selling its own childre--- Where the heck did that fresh apple juice come from???
...Right. Okay then.
I like Applebough. It's cute, in a goofy sort of way. But I hope it understands why I'd never patronize it's business ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Kaguya Is a Jejemon!
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Because my imperial face is too divine for mere mortals to set eyes upon, I use an avatar for all my online interactions.
This is Kaguya from the anime Code Geass. She is an empress herself, or almost anyway, and I like her well enough, thus I chose her to be my online representative.
Why is Kaguya a jejemon, you ask? First of all, because I'm far too absorbed in my own little imperial world, I only recently found out what a jejemon is. (They like to type "hehehe" as "jEj3Je", apparently because it looks "cooler". Hence the name.) I also came to the conclusion that the unkempt looking youth wearing wannabe gangster clothing and usually with garishly colored hair and, unfortunately, who like to hang out in and around my skating rink, are most likely jejemons as well.
Anyway, two days ago, a bunch of jejemons decided to skate in my rink. Now believe it or not, I've actually become desensitized to the presence of these dirty creatures as they have pretty much become permanent fixtures around every skating rink (all two of them!) in the motherland. Sure, they ogle at me and every other female skater who look like they are above the age of 12, but I've decided that perfecting whatever element I'm currently learning is much more important than acknowledging their presence.
So I continued practicing, dodging the clumsy and unstable jejemons as I do so. I don't know when these idiots will figure out that try as they might, they will not be able to do the cool stuff that the hockey players do, because they are wearing rental skates that have toe picks while hockey skates do not.
As the stupid jejemons flail around tripping over their toe picks, I noticed one of their friends waving at them from behind the plexiglass. Actually, what I noticed was the jejemon cap perched on its head.
This is the jejemon cap. I know nothing about "legitimate" gangster culture, but upon further research I found out that the jejemon cap is a bastardization of the "trucker cap". A quick Google image search should show you what a proper trucker cap should look like.
So anyway, the jejemon I saw was wearing this same exact cap.
See, I've always thought that the jejemon cap was a myth. That it was cooked up by some bored elitist so other elitists like me have something else to laugh about. But alas, my innocence was shattered upon seeing this vile head accessory with my very own eyes.
When I returned to the Imperial Palace, I told the Imperial Brother about my horrific discovery. He reassured me that I wasn't going crazy, and that jejemon caps have been sprouting on jejemon heads like mushrooms. And that they are not to be confused with trucker caps.
I then asked him what turns a trucker cap into a jejemon cap.
1) A jejemon cap, like a trucker cap, is made from a mesh like material.
2) A jejemon cap, unlike a trucker cap, must have at least four different colors on it.
3) A jejemon cap must be two sizes too small for the jejemon's head and so could not be worn properly.
In a sudden and not-so-brief lapse of sanity, I asked the Imperial Brother if he can photoshop Kaguya and have her wear the jejemon cap.
Voila! Kaguya is now a jejemon!
We decided that I must have a jejemon name to go with it. It has to be wannabe gangster enough, and annoying to read (much less type).
Behold, the jevolution of the Imperial Jejemon Name!
(It took us 30 minutes to do this so you better appreciate it.)
Lil Empress => LiL Empress => LiL Empreszz => LiL EmpresZz => L!L EmpresZz => L!L 3mpresZz => L!L~3mpresZz => xL!L~3mpresZzx
J3jejEJj3JE~
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Because my imperial face is too divine for mere mortals to set eyes upon, I use an avatar for all my online interactions.
This is Kaguya from the anime Code Geass. She is an empress herself, or almost anyway, and I like her well enough, thus I chose her to be my online representative.
Why is Kaguya a jejemon, you ask? First of all, because I'm far too absorbed in my own little imperial world, I only recently found out what a jejemon is. (They like to type "hehehe" as "jEj3Je", apparently because it looks "cooler". Hence the name.) I also came to the conclusion that the unkempt looking youth wearing wannabe gangster clothing and usually with garishly colored hair and, unfortunately, who like to hang out in and around my skating rink, are most likely jejemons as well.
Anyway, two days ago, a bunch of jejemons decided to skate in my rink. Now believe it or not, I've actually become desensitized to the presence of these dirty creatures as they have pretty much become permanent fixtures around every skating rink (all two of them!) in the motherland. Sure, they ogle at me and every other female skater who look like they are above the age of 12, but I've decided that perfecting whatever element I'm currently learning is much more important than acknowledging their presence.
So I continued practicing, dodging the clumsy and unstable jejemons as I do so. I don't know when these idiots will figure out that try as they might, they will not be able to do the cool stuff that the hockey players do, because they are wearing rental skates that have toe picks while hockey skates do not.
As the stupid jejemons flail around tripping over their toe picks, I noticed one of their friends waving at them from behind the plexiglass. Actually, what I noticed was the jejemon cap perched on its head.
This is the jejemon cap. I know nothing about "legitimate" gangster culture, but upon further research I found out that the jejemon cap is a bastardization of the "trucker cap". A quick Google image search should show you what a proper trucker cap should look like.
So anyway, the jejemon I saw was wearing this same exact cap.
See, I've always thought that the jejemon cap was a myth. That it was cooked up by some bored elitist so other elitists like me have something else to laugh about. But alas, my innocence was shattered upon seeing this vile head accessory with my very own eyes.
When I returned to the Imperial Palace, I told the Imperial Brother about my horrific discovery. He reassured me that I wasn't going crazy, and that jejemon caps have been sprouting on jejemon heads like mushrooms. And that they are not to be confused with trucker caps.
I then asked him what turns a trucker cap into a jejemon cap.
1) A jejemon cap, like a trucker cap, is made from a mesh like material.
2) A jejemon cap, unlike a trucker cap, must have at least four different colors on it.
3) A jejemon cap must be two sizes too small for the jejemon's head and so could not be worn properly.
In a sudden and not-so-brief lapse of sanity, I asked the Imperial Brother if he can photoshop Kaguya and have her wear the jejemon cap.
Voila! Kaguya is now a jejemon!
We decided that I must have a jejemon name to go with it. It has to be wannabe gangster enough, and annoying to read (much less type).
Behold, the jevolution of the Imperial Jejemon Name!
(It took us 30 minutes to do this so you better appreciate it.)
Lil Empress => LiL Empress => LiL Empreszz => LiL EmpresZz => L!L EmpresZz => L!L 3mpresZz => L!L~3mpresZz => xL!L~3mpresZzx
J3jejEJj3JE~
Her Imperial Majesty
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Holy Week's Board Games
Greetings my loyal subjects!
Despite the fact that I have recently discovered a passive-aggressive comment on one of my previous posts by a cowardly imperial detractor, who only had the guts to do so behind the impenetrable shroud of anonimity, I have resolved to continue entertaining you, my loyal subjects, who I KNOW are regularly reading the Imperial Blog otherwise Google Analytics is a big fat liar, with inane stories from my imperial life.
Anyway. Like I said last post, I spent the Holy Week playing Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica.
When I play Arkham Horror, I always pick Sister Mary for my investigator. See, I like Sister Mary. Not only does she start the game penniless and clue(token)less, she also has nothing but a useless cross and a useless bottle of holy water to protect her from monsters. Oh, and she also starts the game blessed.
Every turn, Sister Mary has to roll a d6 (that's a six-sided die for you non-geeks) to see if she loses her blessing or not. Under normal circumstances, it should be hard to actually lose this blessing since you need to roll a 1 to do so. But because I am such an evil empress, even the dice in a board game refuse to allow me to remain blessed and so would fudge the 17% chance of rolling a 1, making me lose my virgini--- blessing within the first three turns.
Anyway, because it was Holy Week, the Imperial Ambassador, who was running the game as usual, was able to randomly draw a mythos card where all the investigators may pass a luck check to get blessed. I, of course, was already un-blessed by that time and was happy for a chance to get re-blessed. So all the investigators rolled their luck dice and, despite the odds, everyone got blessed. Except me ~_~. Not until after I used up all of my clue tokens anyway.
So we were able to close all the gates and end the game with everyone still blessed. Except me ~_~. I lost my virgini--- blessing the turn right after we all got blessed.
Moving on.
Battlestar Galactica is always an enjoyable game for me. Despite the fact that everybody thinks I'm a Cylon. I've kind of learned to accept that. So anyway, I picked Boomer as my character for one game. See, every character in the Battlestar Galactica board game has a downside, and Boomer's was to be sent to the brig mid-game (during the sleeper phase) whether she's actually a Cylon or not.
So I was sent to the brig. Then a Cylon invading fleet appeared. I was the only pilot so I began bitching and moaning about how everyone else is a Cylon for not helping the only pilot get out of the brig when Galactica is surrounded by Cylon ships.
Finally, one of my gay friends (I confess, I have too many gay friends) relented and helped me get out of the brig. And the first thing I did after being freed was to reveal my Cylon card and kicked my gay friend into the brig ^_^ Finally, revenge after being accused of being a Cylon time and again (even though I always secretly wish that I actually was).
One of the things you have to do upon revealing that you are a Cylon is to give your remaining loyalty cards to another human or unrevealed Cylon player. To make things more interesting, we got some more loyalty cards (human) and I gave one to each player. Then we took a break for dinner.
See, I had the bad luck (or good luck, depending on how you view it) of drawing two Cylon loyalty cards during the game. So I was actually a double Cylon ^_^ Which means one of the human players is now also a Cylon ^_^
During dinner, everyone was accusing everyone else of being the other Cylon. Oh how I loved causing mistrust and intrigue in my Imperial Court ^_^
Unfortunately, we didn't get to finish that game because it was too late and everyone was too tired to think. Because I am a kind (but evil) empress, I didn't insist on finishing the game even if the Cylons were obviously going to win.
See, I don't have a pathetically fragile ego such that I need to win everything all the time ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Despite the fact that I have recently discovered a passive-aggressive comment on one of my previous posts by a cowardly imperial detractor, who only had the guts to do so behind the impenetrable shroud of anonimity, I have resolved to continue entertaining you, my loyal subjects, who I KNOW are regularly reading the Imperial Blog otherwise Google Analytics is a big fat liar, with inane stories from my imperial life.
Anyway. Like I said last post, I spent the Holy Week playing Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica.
When I play Arkham Horror, I always pick Sister Mary for my investigator. See, I like Sister Mary. Not only does she start the game penniless and clue(token)less, she also has nothing but a useless cross and a useless bottle of holy water to protect her from monsters. Oh, and she also starts the game blessed.
Every turn, Sister Mary has to roll a d6 (that's a six-sided die for you non-geeks) to see if she loses her blessing or not. Under normal circumstances, it should be hard to actually lose this blessing since you need to roll a 1 to do so. But because I am such an evil empress, even the dice in a board game refuse to allow me to remain blessed and so would fudge the 17% chance of rolling a 1, making me lose my virgini--- blessing within the first three turns.
Anyway, because it was Holy Week, the Imperial Ambassador, who was running the game as usual, was able to randomly draw a mythos card where all the investigators may pass a luck check to get blessed. I, of course, was already un-blessed by that time and was happy for a chance to get re-blessed. So all the investigators rolled their luck dice and, despite the odds, everyone got blessed. Except me ~_~. Not until after I used up all of my clue tokens anyway.
So we were able to close all the gates and end the game with everyone still blessed. Except me ~_~. I lost my virgini--- blessing the turn right after we all got blessed.
Moving on.
Battlestar Galactica is always an enjoyable game for me. Despite the fact that everybody thinks I'm a Cylon. I've kind of learned to accept that. So anyway, I picked Boomer as my character for one game. See, every character in the Battlestar Galactica board game has a downside, and Boomer's was to be sent to the brig mid-game (during the sleeper phase) whether she's actually a Cylon or not.
So I was sent to the brig. Then a Cylon invading fleet appeared. I was the only pilot so I began bitching and moaning about how everyone else is a Cylon for not helping the only pilot get out of the brig when Galactica is surrounded by Cylon ships.
Finally, one of my gay friends (I confess, I have too many gay friends) relented and helped me get out of the brig. And the first thing I did after being freed was to reveal my Cylon card and kicked my gay friend into the brig ^_^ Finally, revenge after being accused of being a Cylon time and again (even though I always secretly wish that I actually was).
One of the things you have to do upon revealing that you are a Cylon is to give your remaining loyalty cards to another human or unrevealed Cylon player. To make things more interesting, we got some more loyalty cards (human) and I gave one to each player. Then we took a break for dinner.
See, I had the bad luck (or good luck, depending on how you view it) of drawing two Cylon loyalty cards during the game. So I was actually a double Cylon ^_^ Which means one of the human players is now also a Cylon ^_^
During dinner, everyone was accusing everyone else of being the other Cylon. Oh how I loved causing mistrust and intrigue in my Imperial Court ^_^
Unfortunately, we didn't get to finish that game because it was too late and everyone was too tired to think. Because I am a kind (but evil) empress, I didn't insist on finishing the game even if the Cylons were obviously going to win.
See, I don't have a pathetically fragile ego such that I need to win everything all the time ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
An Imperial Holy Week
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I have not died.
Apologies for not being able to post for a week. Early last week I fell ill and had to confine myself in the imperial bedchamber again. The Head Imperial Bodyguard reckons that I was bitten by an insect which caused an allergic reaction.
Anyway.
Last week the Imperial Court gathered at the Head Imperial Baker's palace for three days of board games, card games, and role-playing games. In other words, three days of pure and total geekdom! We were also fed excellent food care of the Head Imperial Tailor who took charge of all the cooking (and made me eat yucky vegetables), and the Head Imperial Baker made s'mores. The Head Imperial Librarian also mixed zombies (yes, the alcoholic drink) so we are all drunk while gaming.
The Head Imperial Warlock brought his Once Upon A Time card game which I was able to try out for the first time. I also got to play my favorite board games, Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica, which were, of course, run by the Imperial Ambassador.
Which is why I gaped at him in horror when he volunteered to wash the dishes and clean up after one of the meals.
"You fool!" I screamed. "How are you supposed to run the games when you're washing the dishes?!?!? Oh heck, I am going to help you clean up so we can get started gaming faster!"
The Head Imperial Priestess, of course, would not allow my imperial hands to be stained by commoner chores and snatched the dirty dishes before I could touch them.
I was also able to fit in a little World of Warcraft in my busy schedule. I set up my lappy next to the Head Imperial Warlock's, where the Head Imperial Tailor was in the process of deleting the Head Imperial Warlock's tier 9 set. Unfortunately, the Head Imperial Warlock caught her and logged his account out of the game. The Head Imperial Tailor, with the help of the Head Imperial Hacker, then proceeded to scour the Head Imperial Warlock's lappy for his hidden porn.
They did find his porn, but it sucked so much that the Head Imperial Tailor decided to stream some porn from a site instead. This is why the tier 9 geared healer kept wiping at heroic dungeons.
What? I am an empress, not a god. I can't watch my mana bar while watching porn at the same time >_<
Easter Sunday was spent relaxing with the Imperial Consort at the Imperial Palace while listening to Wheel of Time audio books. We also waited to see if Cabbit would lay an Easter egg, but she didn't. Oh well.
Hope your commoner holy week was almost as exciting as mine ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I have not died.
Apologies for not being able to post for a week. Early last week I fell ill and had to confine myself in the imperial bedchamber again. The Head Imperial Bodyguard reckons that I was bitten by an insect which caused an allergic reaction.
Anyway.
Last week the Imperial Court gathered at the Head Imperial Baker's palace for three days of board games, card games, and role-playing games. In other words, three days of pure and total geekdom! We were also fed excellent food care of the Head Imperial Tailor who took charge of all the cooking (and made me eat yucky vegetables), and the Head Imperial Baker made s'mores. The Head Imperial Librarian also mixed zombies (yes, the alcoholic drink) so we are all drunk while gaming.
The Head Imperial Warlock brought his Once Upon A Time card game which I was able to try out for the first time. I also got to play my favorite board games, Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica, which were, of course, run by the Imperial Ambassador.
Which is why I gaped at him in horror when he volunteered to wash the dishes and clean up after one of the meals.
"You fool!" I screamed. "How are you supposed to run the games when you're washing the dishes?!?!? Oh heck, I am going to help you clean up so we can get started gaming faster!"
The Head Imperial Priestess, of course, would not allow my imperial hands to be stained by commoner chores and snatched the dirty dishes before I could touch them.
I was also able to fit in a little World of Warcraft in my busy schedule. I set up my lappy next to the Head Imperial Warlock's, where the Head Imperial Tailor was in the process of deleting the Head Imperial Warlock's tier 9 set. Unfortunately, the Head Imperial Warlock caught her and logged his account out of the game. The Head Imperial Tailor, with the help of the Head Imperial Hacker, then proceeded to scour the Head Imperial Warlock's lappy for his hidden porn.
They did find his porn, but it sucked so much that the Head Imperial Tailor decided to stream some porn from a site instead. This is why the tier 9 geared healer kept wiping at heroic dungeons.
What? I am an empress, not a god. I can't watch my mana bar while watching porn at the same time >_<
Easter Sunday was spent relaxing with the Imperial Consort at the Imperial Palace while listening to Wheel of Time audio books. We also waited to see if Cabbit would lay an Easter egg, but she didn't. Oh well.
Hope your commoner holy week was almost as exciting as mine ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
Friday, March 26, 2010
Summer
Greetings my loyal subjects!
I am not a camwhore, and I hate taking pictures. I also hate having to upload those pictures on the Internet. But there's something about blogging that compels you to take pictures anyway, and share them to your imperial constituents.
Every summer, the tree in front of the Imperial Palace drops these tiny yellow flower things on the pavement. It drives the obsessive compulsive old ladies crazy, having to sweep them all up all the time. But I like them because they're pretty ^_^
Anyway, I know its still March, but global warming and stuff. How was the tree supposed to know that it wasn't technically summer yet?
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
I am not a camwhore, and I hate taking pictures. I also hate having to upload those pictures on the Internet. But there's something about blogging that compels you to take pictures anyway, and share them to your imperial constituents.
Every summer, the tree in front of the Imperial Palace drops these tiny yellow flower things on the pavement. It drives the obsessive compulsive old ladies crazy, having to sweep them all up all the time. But I like them because they're pretty ^_^
Anyway, I know its still March, but global warming and stuff. How was the tree supposed to know that it wasn't technically summer yet?
Her Imperial Majesty
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Yet Another Weekend Report
Greetings my loyal subjects!
This weekend I did the following:
1) Eat.
2) Skate.
3) Eat.
4) Skate.
5) Eat.
6) Skate.
7) Raid.
Get yourselves into sports. That way, it won't be so bad if you eat more of the sweet stuff :D
Okay, back to raiding.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
This weekend I did the following:
1) Eat.
2) Skate.
3) Eat.
4) Skate.
5) Eat.
6) Skate.
7) Raid.
Get yourselves into sports. That way, it won't be so bad if you eat more of the sweet stuff :D
Okay, back to raiding.
Her Imperial Majesty
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