Today, the Internet in the Imperial Palace died for a few hours. This left me and the Imperial Brother no choice but to, well, not do chores of course, but to grab the remote control and look for something to watch on TV.
So we ended up watching Teeth on Star Movies. We didn't get to watch it from the beginning, but we sort of got the gist of it. It's about this Christian girl who is obsessed with "purity", then finding out that she has this medical condition called vagina dentata. This means that her vagina has teeth. I actually looked this up and to my horror, I discovered that such myths actually exist. (According to Wikipedia anyway... not that Wikipedia is a reliable source...)
Anyway, those teeth must have rivaled any piranha's because they manage to cut the penises of anyone who tries to have sex with her (or the fingers of anyone who tries to finger her). Tasteless, I know. I'm not even going to apologize for putting up spoilers on here because you wouldn't want to watch this movie anyway.
I mean, come on! What sane person would come up with a movie about teeth in a vagina? I bet whoever made this movie was toked up one night, stumbled upon the term, and thought it was hilarious. That, or he's a 12-year-old boy.
In fact, I think there are only two scenes here that are worth watching at all. The first one is when she tried to have sex with her brother, whose penis got cut off. He tries to get his dog to attack her but it ends up eating the severed organ instead. The second one is when she hitched a ride with a dirty old man, who made disturbingly hilarious faces at her after he brought her to a motel.
The Imperial Brother and I seriously wondered if that movie earned any money at all. It probably would have if the girl was hot, but really...
Anyway, we got our Internet back, so we can at least move in with our happy little imperial lives ^_^
Her Imperial Majesty
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