Final Fantasy Tactics

Greetings my loyal subjects!

"God, please help us sinful children of Ivalice."

Anyone who's ever played and enjoyed Final Fantasy Tactics would find Princess Ovelia's opening line when she prays in the Orbonne Monastery memorable. Another would be Delita's infamous "Don't blame us. Blame yourself or God." These are but snippets of the epic tales of strife and heroism that my generation grew up with.

Anyway, as the Imperial Brother and I sat down for our evening meal, he happily told me about the PlayStation emulator he just got.

Empress: Cool! What games did you get with it?
Brother: Final Fantasy Tactics.
Empress: But Brother, I already have a Final Fantasy Tactics UMD stashed somewhere in the imperial bedchamber.
Brother: I know that. I 'borrowed' your PSP and UMD while you were in exile.
Empress: ~_~
Brother: I had a hard time playing the PSP version because the game was scripted in old English. I got nosebleeds.
Empress: What? I played through the entire PSP version and didn't notice anything!
Brother: That's because you have superior imperial intelligence. But seriously, I wouldn't understand the story if I didn't finish the game already in the original version. I bet if I let the Imperial Houseboy play the PSP version he wouldn't understand anything at all.

So I decided to investigate. I found my PlayStation Portable in the Imperial Brother's bedchamber (because apparently he forgot to return it after 'borrowing' it) and popped Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War in. I got goosebumps from the nostalgia and the feeling of epicness that the game's soundtrack evokes even as I skip through the intro.

Then I finally reached the Princess Ovelia scene and braced myself to see her familiar and memorable opening line.

Ovelia: O Father, abandon not Your wayward children of Ivalice, but deliver us from our sins, that we might know salvation.

Empress: What the fuck!?!?!

I was so shocked I restarted the game. And re-read Ovelia's opening line.

Empress: Imperial Brother! Ovelia's speaking in old English!

I loaded the Imperial Brother's saved game and took a closer look at the characters' dialogue.

Ramza: That's the first I've heard of it. This has not the sound of a state visit.
Delita: All of Ivalice is in turmoil. The Order's supposed to be keeping things under control, but the fact is, they number too few.
Ramza: And they mean to bolster their numbers with us?

Empress: Aw come on, Imperial Brother, this shit isn't *that* hard to understand.

Zalbag: We will be able to recall our forces in Zeltennia anon. All goes as planned, Lord Father. Be not troubled.

Empress: What the... What the fuck is "anon"?!?!? *nosebleeds, then cracks open nearest dictionary*

Okay, this isn't exactly "old English" like the Imperial Brother claimed, but I can see his point. I don't remember FF:Tactics game script to be this, well, "fancy".

FF:Tactics
Balbanes: He may be your half brother, but he is my own flesh. 

vs

The Lion War
Balbanes: Though he be not the issue of the womb that bore you, my sons, still my blood courses his veins.

FF:Tactics
Algus: Please let me have 100 soldiers!

vs

The Lion War
Algus: Lend me a hundred men that I might hunt the whoresons down!

FF:Tactics
Zalbag: Guarding a castle is boring work. Don't you think?

vs

The Lion War
Zalbag: Guarding a castle grows dreadfully dull... Wouldn't you agree?

I like the PSP version better though. In the original version, there are scenes that I found confusing, i.e. the boys going after Zalbag's messenger. In the PSP version, it was very clear to me that Zalbag tricked the boys into doing it.

I wonder why I never noticed this the last time I played the PSP version...

Anyway, in case you, my loyal subjects, are curious, here are the game scripts for Final Fantasy Tactics (original version) and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War (PSP version). I found comparing the two scripts immensely entertaining ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Valkyrie Profile

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Because I've been spending so much time alone in my bed trying to fight this accursed infection, I decided to dig out the old PSP to keep my imperial brain from stagnating. I wasn't really looking for any game in particular, so I just played whatever was already loaded on there, which was Valkyrie Profile.

In Valkyrie Profile you play the role of Lenneth, a goddess of war recently reawakened and tasked to go to Midgard to find mortal heroes suitable of becoming Einherjar. Boring enough, actually. But what really kept me playing was the epic warcries they shout during battle scenes. They're so epic I didn't mind hearing them over and over everytime a battle starts.

My favorite lines are from Princess Jelanda (Now face a princess's true wrath! This is divine punishment! Impudent fool! Ten thousand deaths are not enough for you!). She reminds me of myself back when I was a wee little empress girl.

Anyway, like I said, I was supposed to send the mightiest mortal heroes I find to Valhalla to help out in the war. Naturally, I sent Odin my weakest warrior, Llewellyn. I mean, he's the All-Father, right? If someone can whip Llewellyn to shape, it would be him.

At the end of the first chapter, Freya sent me a report on what's been happening in Asgard. We are losing the war, of course. Then I read a report on how Llewellyn's been doing. I found out that he's been promoted, he played a major role in an important battle, and he helped a poor animal.

I was incensed! I'm down here, recruiting hapless mortals, training them to wield a sword properly, and all I get in return are some lousy artifacts! While the hapless mortals themselves get to reap glory while kicking Vanyr butt!

...I'm gonna go play some more.
KTHXBAI

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty