New Haircut!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Skaters should always keep their hair away from their face. My hair was getting too long for me to fix for skating so last weekend, I want to my salon to get a haircut.

I also had bangs put in. As you can see, the bangs are short enough to freely fall unto my face and long enough to cover it. This is intentional, because I am actually a closet emo.

This also drove sifu nuts.

(I also found myself swiping the bangs out of my face whenever I do a jump, a spin, practically anything ^_^)

Well, at least my hair is much shorter now ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

New ISP!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I have now subscribed to a new ISP \o/

I am now busy playing WoW.

Don't bother me.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Celestial Steed

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Just because my Internet has been terribad doesn't mean I haven't been keeping abreast with the latest World of Warcraft news ^,..,^

So I went window shopping on the Blizzard Store and saw this beautiful thing.

That, my loyal subjects, is a celestial steed. It is a flying mount made of elemental stardust; enough to make you feel as if Pegasus himself is taking you soaring across the sky. Who cares about robot unicorns? This is the mount that an empress simply must not be seen without.

Did I buy one? Of course not. What's the point of spending $25 on an in-game mount when I can't go online enough to ride it? And don't you infidels accuse me of being a cheapskate. I am an empress, not a billionaire.

But I did go online for a bit just to see what it looked like in-game. So I walked around in Dalaran, hoping to spot someone with a celestial steed. Surely someone in Dalaran must have bought one by now.

And I did spot someone with a celestial steed.

And it was a tauren.

Seriously. The most flamboyant mount in the game and the first person I see riding it was a tauren. That is just so... GAY.

(No offense to my gay friends.)

I will now attempt to appease myself by playing Robot Unicorn Attack like, a bazillion times.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Tale of the Gummy Burger

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I recently passed my Freestyle 3 test (YAY \o/) and will start Freestyle 4 lessons next week. This means that I could finally, finally do a passable change foot spin. But not without going through half of the coaching staff in my rink first.

My sifu, after getting frustrated at my inability to learn that change foot spin in a month, passed me on to the rink's spinning expert. He instructed me for another month, at the end of which was when I could finally rotate the spin. During this time, some of the other coaches also pitied me and gave me tips on how I could do the spin more consistently.

One of the coaches, Coach B, spent an entire afternoon doing just that. He dragged me to the middle of the rink and practically gave me step by step instruction on how to do that spin. And I didn't pay him a single cent ^_^

Anyway, that afternoon was the start of my eureka moment, leading to my eventually mastering the spin enough to pass the test.

Last weekend, Coach B asked me to demonstrate my one foot spin to his student who just couldn't get how to do it. He told her that I had a hard time learning the one foot spin too (true), but now can do it beautifully (modesty aside, of course ^_^ Lots of people have commented on how good my one foot spin looks now ^_^). But the kid still couldn't get it. Eventually, Coach B skated away in frustration saying "Can you just show her how to do it, just one more time?"

Because Coach B exerted so much effort teaching me the change foot spin, I showed my one foot spin to her over and over, and explained to her what I did step by step. I also taught her what I did to finally learn it. By the end of the afternoon, she could do two rotations ^_^

After the session, she came over to me, said thanks, and handed me a gummy burger ^_^ It felt so good helping out other people who enjoy doing the same things you do ^_^ It also proves that not all kids who skate are brats ^_^

(I am not planning to become a skating coach in the future, though >_< Like I always say, I hate being cold, I'm scared of heights, and I get dizzy easily. I'm not that masochistic ^_^)

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Updated Imperial Seal!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

The Imperial Ambassador has updated the Imperial Seal!

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Final Fantasy Tactics

Greetings my loyal subjects!

"God, please help us sinful children of Ivalice."

Anyone who's ever played and enjoyed Final Fantasy Tactics would find Princess Ovelia's opening line when she prays in the Orbonne Monastery memorable. Another would be Delita's infamous "Don't blame us. Blame yourself or God." These are but snippets of the epic tales of strife and heroism that my generation grew up with.

Anyway, as the Imperial Brother and I sat down for our evening meal, he happily told me about the PlayStation emulator he just got.

Empress: Cool! What games did you get with it?
Brother: Final Fantasy Tactics.
Empress: But Brother, I already have a Final Fantasy Tactics UMD stashed somewhere in the imperial bedchamber.
Brother: I know that. I 'borrowed' your PSP and UMD while you were in exile.
Empress: ~_~
Brother: I had a hard time playing the PSP version because the game was scripted in old English. I got nosebleeds.
Empress: What? I played through the entire PSP version and didn't notice anything!
Brother: That's because you have superior imperial intelligence. But seriously, I wouldn't understand the story if I didn't finish the game already in the original version. I bet if I let the Imperial Houseboy play the PSP version he wouldn't understand anything at all.

So I decided to investigate. I found my PlayStation Portable in the Imperial Brother's bedchamber (because apparently he forgot to return it after 'borrowing' it) and popped Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War in. I got goosebumps from the nostalgia and the feeling of epicness that the game's soundtrack evokes even as I skip through the intro.

Then I finally reached the Princess Ovelia scene and braced myself to see her familiar and memorable opening line.

Ovelia: O Father, abandon not Your wayward children of Ivalice, but deliver us from our sins, that we might know salvation.

Empress: What the fuck!?!?!

I was so shocked I restarted the game. And re-read Ovelia's opening line.

Empress: Imperial Brother! Ovelia's speaking in old English!

I loaded the Imperial Brother's saved game and took a closer look at the characters' dialogue.

Ramza: That's the first I've heard of it. This has not the sound of a state visit.
Delita: All of Ivalice is in turmoil. The Order's supposed to be keeping things under control, but the fact is, they number too few.
Ramza: And they mean to bolster their numbers with us?

Empress: Aw come on, Imperial Brother, this shit isn't *that* hard to understand.

Zalbag: We will be able to recall our forces in Zeltennia anon. All goes as planned, Lord Father. Be not troubled.

Empress: What the... What the fuck is "anon"?!?!? *nosebleeds, then cracks open nearest dictionary*

Okay, this isn't exactly "old English" like the Imperial Brother claimed, but I can see his point. I don't remember FF:Tactics game script to be this, well, "fancy".

FF:Tactics
Balbanes: He may be your half brother, but he is my own flesh. 

vs

The Lion War
Balbanes: Though he be not the issue of the womb that bore you, my sons, still my blood courses his veins.

FF:Tactics
Algus: Please let me have 100 soldiers!

vs

The Lion War
Algus: Lend me a hundred men that I might hunt the whoresons down!

FF:Tactics
Zalbag: Guarding a castle is boring work. Don't you think?

vs

The Lion War
Zalbag: Guarding a castle grows dreadfully dull... Wouldn't you agree?

I like the PSP version better though. In the original version, there are scenes that I found confusing, i.e. the boys going after Zalbag's messenger. In the PSP version, it was very clear to me that Zalbag tricked the boys into doing it.

I wonder why I never noticed this the last time I played the PSP version...

Anyway, in case you, my loyal subjects, are curious, here are the game scripts for Final Fantasy Tactics (original version) and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Lion War (PSP version). I found comparing the two scripts immensely entertaining ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Apple Juice

So I poured myself a glass of apple juice just now, and the Imperial Brother said,

"Ewww Applebough's pee!"

My life is now changed >.<

Applebough

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I haven't been doing much raiding recently because my internet connection has become very intermittent. I haven't even been doing more than one heroic dungeon a day. I didn't want anyone to wipe (and have to pay for expensive repair bills) because I happen to have a lag spike at the most inopportune moment. The Imperial Brother and I are considering switching to a different ISP if this doesn't get fixed real soon.

Anyway, to at least help me ease my longing for World of Warcraft, I've been hanging around and exploring Dalaran. I didn't know there was a cloth armor merchant that sell tier 10 pieces here, which means I don't have to travel all the way to the Argent Tournament Grounds just to get them. I also discovered an unused tower wing in the Silver Enclave, where I now park my priest if I want to hide from people but stay in the city (why I'm posting this in a public blog is none of your commoner business).

And most importantly, I discovered this guy.

I always thought that this tree was just another druid waiting for something to do. I didn't realize that this person was actually a vendor, who sells fruits no less. The life of a healer is truly stressful, I suppose, that it chose to retire and become a humble NPC.

I, of course, checked out its wares.

Which caused me to wonder. Where does it get its wares? I hope it's not selling its own childre--- Where the heck did that fresh apple juice come from???

...Right. Okay then.

I like Applebough. It's cute, in a goofy sort of way. But I hope it understands why I'd never patronize it's business ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Kaguya Is a Jejemon!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Because my imperial face is too divine for mere mortals to set eyes upon, I use an avatar for all my online interactions.

This is Kaguya from the anime Code Geass. She is an empress herself, or almost anyway, and I like her well enough, thus I chose her to be my online representative.

Why is Kaguya a jejemon, you ask? First of all, because I'm far too absorbed in my own little imperial world, I only recently found out what a jejemon is. (They like to type "hehehe" as "jEj3Je", apparently because it looks "cooler". Hence the name.) I also came to the conclusion that the unkempt looking youth wearing wannabe gangster clothing and usually with garishly colored hair and, unfortunately, who like to hang out in and around my skating rink, are most likely jejemons as well.

Anyway, two days ago, a bunch of jejemons decided to skate in my rink. Now believe it or not, I've actually become desensitized to the presence of these dirty creatures as they have pretty much become permanent fixtures around every skating rink (all two of them!) in the motherland. Sure, they ogle at me and every other female skater who look like they are above the age of 12, but I've decided that perfecting whatever element I'm currently learning is much more important than acknowledging their presence.

So I continued practicing, dodging the clumsy and unstable jejemons as I do so. I don't know when these idiots will figure out that try as they might, they will not be able to do the cool stuff that the hockey players do, because they are wearing rental skates that have toe picks while hockey skates do not.

As the stupid jejemons flail around tripping over their toe picks, I noticed one of their friends waving at them from behind the plexiglass. Actually, what I noticed was the jejemon cap perched on its head.

This is the jejemon cap. I know nothing about "legitimate" gangster culture, but upon further research I found out that the jejemon cap is a bastardization of the "trucker cap". A quick Google image search should show you what a proper trucker cap should look like.

So anyway, the jejemon I saw was wearing this same exact cap.

See, I've always thought that the jejemon cap was a myth. That it was cooked up by some bored elitist so other elitists like me have something else to laugh about. But alas, my innocence was shattered upon seeing this vile head accessory with my very own eyes.

When I returned to the Imperial Palace, I told the Imperial Brother about my horrific discovery. He reassured me that I wasn't going crazy, and that jejemon caps have been sprouting on jejemon heads like mushrooms. And that they are not to be confused with trucker caps.

I then asked him what turns a trucker cap into a jejemon cap.

1) A jejemon cap, like a trucker cap, is made from a mesh like material.
2) A jejemon cap, unlike a trucker cap, must have at least four different colors on it.
3) A jejemon cap must be two sizes too small for the jejemon's head and so could not be worn properly.

In a sudden and not-so-brief lapse of sanity, I asked the Imperial Brother if he can photoshop Kaguya and have her wear the jejemon cap.

Voila! Kaguya is now a jejemon!

We decided that I must have a jejemon name to go with it. It has to be wannabe gangster enough, and annoying to read (much less type).

Behold, the jevolution of the Imperial Jejemon Name!

(It took us 30 minutes to do this so you better appreciate it.)

Lil Empress => LiL Empress => LiL Empreszz => LiL EmpresZz => L!L EmpresZz => L!L 3mpresZz => L!L~3mpresZz => xL!L~3mpresZzx

J3jejEJj3JE~

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Holy Week's Board Games

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Despite the fact that I have recently discovered a passive-aggressive comment on one of my previous posts by a cowardly imperial detractor, who only had the guts to do so behind the impenetrable shroud of anonimity, I have resolved to continue entertaining you, my loyal subjects, who I KNOW are regularly reading the Imperial Blog otherwise Google Analytics is a big fat liar, with inane stories from my imperial life.

Anyway. Like I said last post, I spent the Holy Week playing Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica.

When I play Arkham Horror, I always pick Sister Mary for my investigator. See, I like Sister Mary. Not only does she start the game penniless and clue(token)less, she also has nothing but a useless cross and a useless bottle of holy water to protect her from monsters. Oh, and she also starts the game blessed.

Every turn, Sister Mary has to roll a d6 (that's a six-sided die for you non-geeks) to see if she loses her blessing or not. Under normal circumstances, it should be hard to actually lose this blessing since you need to roll a 1 to do so. But because I am such an evil empress, even the dice in a board game refuse to allow me to remain blessed and so would fudge the 17% chance of rolling a 1, making me lose my virgini--- blessing within the first three turns.

Anyway, because it was Holy Week, the Imperial Ambassador, who was running the game as usual, was able to randomly draw a mythos card where all the investigators may pass a luck check to get blessed. I, of course, was already un-blessed by that time and was happy for a chance to get re-blessed. So all the investigators rolled their luck dice and, despite the odds, everyone got blessed. Except me ~_~. Not until after I used up all of my clue tokens anyway.

So we were able to close all the gates and end the game with everyone still blessed. Except me ~_~. I lost my virgini--- blessing the turn right after we all got blessed.

Moving on.

Battlestar Galactica is always an enjoyable game for me. Despite the fact that everybody thinks I'm a Cylon. I've kind of learned to accept that. So anyway, I picked Boomer as my character for one game. See, every character in the Battlestar Galactica board game has a downside, and Boomer's was to be sent to the brig mid-game (during the sleeper phase) whether she's actually a Cylon or not.

So I was sent to the brig. Then a Cylon invading fleet appeared. I was the only pilot so I began bitching and moaning about how everyone else is a Cylon for not helping the only pilot get out of the brig when Galactica is surrounded by Cylon ships.

Finally, one of my gay friends (I confess, I have too many gay friends) relented and helped me get out of the brig. And the first thing I did after being freed was to reveal my Cylon card and kicked my gay friend into the brig ^_^ Finally, revenge after being accused of being a Cylon time and again (even though I always secretly wish that I actually was).

One of the things you have to do upon revealing that you are a Cylon is to give your remaining loyalty cards to another human or unrevealed Cylon player. To make things more interesting, we got some more loyalty cards (human) and I gave one to each player. Then we took a break for dinner.

See, I had the bad luck (or good luck, depending on how you view it) of drawing two Cylon loyalty cards during the game. So I was actually a double Cylon ^_^ Which means one of the human players is now also a Cylon ^_^

During dinner, everyone was accusing everyone else of being the other Cylon. Oh how I loved causing mistrust and intrigue in my Imperial Court ^_^

Unfortunately, we didn't get to finish that game because it was too late and everyone was too tired to think. Because I am a kind (but evil) empress, I didn't insist on finishing the game even if the Cylons were obviously going to win.

See, I don't have a pathetically fragile ego such that I need to win everything all the time ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

An Imperial Holy Week

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I have not died.

Apologies for not being able to post for a week. Early last week I fell ill and had to confine myself in the imperial bedchamber again. The Head Imperial Bodyguard reckons that I was bitten by an insect which caused an allergic reaction.

Anyway.

Last week the Imperial Court gathered at the Head Imperial Baker's palace for three days of board games, card games, and role-playing games. In other words, three days of pure and total geekdom! We were also fed excellent food care of the Head Imperial Tailor who took charge of all the cooking (and made me eat yucky vegetables), and the Head Imperial Baker made s'mores. The Head Imperial Librarian also mixed zombies (yes, the alcoholic drink) so we are all drunk while gaming.

The Head Imperial Warlock brought his Once Upon A Time card game which I was able to try out for the first time. I also got to play my favorite board games, Arkham Horror and Battlestar Galactica, which were, of course, run by the Imperial Ambassador.

Which is why I gaped at him in horror when he volunteered to wash the dishes and clean up after one of the meals.

"You fool!" I screamed. "How are you supposed to run the games when you're washing the dishes?!?!? Oh heck, I am going to help you clean up so we can get started gaming faster!"

The Head Imperial Priestess, of course, would not allow my imperial hands to be stained by commoner chores and snatched the dirty dishes before I could touch them.

I was also able to fit in a little World of Warcraft in my busy schedule. I set up my lappy next to the Head Imperial Warlock's, where the Head Imperial Tailor was in the process of deleting the Head Imperial Warlock's tier 9 set. Unfortunately, the Head Imperial Warlock caught her and logged his account out of the game. The Head Imperial Tailor, with the help of the Head Imperial Hacker, then proceeded to scour the Head Imperial Warlock's lappy for his hidden porn.

They did find his porn, but it sucked so much that the Head Imperial Tailor decided to stream some porn from a site instead. This is why the tier 9 geared healer kept wiping at heroic dungeons.

What? I am an empress, not a god. I can't watch my mana bar while watching porn at the same time >_<

Easter Sunday was spent relaxing with the Imperial Consort at the Imperial Palace while listening to Wheel of Time audio books. We also waited to see if Cabbit would lay an Easter egg, but she didn't. Oh well.

Hope your commoner holy week was almost as exciting as mine ^_^



Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty