I, by the Appointment of the Stars the 99th Ruler of the Empire, wish to say a few words.
1) If you are gazing upon the rink from the second floor balcony, make sure that you or your children do not drop candy wrappers onto the ice surface. Not only will it score you a one way ticket to the gallows, it would also cause harm to my loyal but clumsy subjects who are skating below.
2) If you and your special someone wish to make out, please do so in a private place. Note that the space right outside the skating rink is not a private place. There are people in the skating rink who can clearly see through the clear plexiglass what exactly the heck you are doing.
3) If you decide to try ice skating for yourself, stay on the sides of the rink. Skating is a dangerous sport, and people get hurt because clumsy beginners uncontrollably crash into other clumsy beginners. Only attempt skating in the middle when you have passed Basic Skating Level 3. By then you should have learned enough control to get the heck out of a clumsy beginner's way.
4) If you see me skating backwards, get the heck out of my way. I will most likely attempt a change foot spin, which I still have not learned after 2 months of working on it. But I am determined like heck to finally frigging learn it, and will literally mow down anyone in my path. So get the heck out of my way.
Heed these words, my loyal subjects, for my word is law.
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
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