Last night, I was playing World of Warcraft when I was rudely interrupted by the Imperial Brother and the Imperial Houseboy. The Imperial Brother recently bought a new movie which the Imperial Houseboy popped into my laptop's DVD drive.
"Watch this, its so scary I bet you'd pee in your imperial pants," the Imperial Brother bragged.
So after giving instructions to the Imperial Houseboy to pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave, the three of us huddled over my laptop screen to watch Paranormal Activity.
And because I am an inconsiderate empress, I will now post spoilers.
The film opened with a note implying that the movie itself is actual footage of what happened in a California home. And then there was a long intro that shows the protagonists going about their daily lives, and another long interview with a demonologist dude. It was so long and boring that I told the Imperial Brother that once the scary stuff starts, it better scare the living daylight out of me.
And the scary stuff did start, after what must have been thirty minutes. You know what happened? The door started moving on its own. Wow. How original and scary.
And the fact that the protagonists are just plain annoying didn't help. The whole "young couple having an argument all the time" angle just removed the creepy atmosphere, and the boyfriend is so bullheaded and stupid that I was disappointed he didn't get stabbed in front of the camera where I can happily watch his guts spill out. I mean, what kind of a stupid person challenges an entity that is unexplainable by science to show itself? And only an outright jerk would bring an Ouija board home even if his girlfriend who is about to be possessed by a demon told him not to. Also, do not show her videos of an exorcism, especially one where the patient eventually dies.
Anyway, though I was too annoyed to feel even the tiniest bit scared, the Imperial Brother however was trembling with fear. He had his arms around me halfway through the film, and he'd probably hide under my shirt if he can.
After the film, I calmly stood up because I needed to use the imperial bathroom.
Brother: Where are you going?
Empress: I'm going to take a leak.
Brother: *follows*
Empress: What the heck? I'm going to pee in the bathroom. This is something I need to do in private.
Brother: *follows*
Empress: *shuts bathroom door in Imperial Brother's face*
After taking care of my business, I found the Imperial Brother in the imperial patio clutching the Imperial Houseboy's shirt.
Empress: What... is this?
Brother: I, uh, was just escorting the Imperial Houseboy out of the gate.
Empress: Right.
Houseboy: Good night Your Majesty, Imperial Brother. *leaves*
Brother: So. Let's go to sleep.
Empress: I need to turn in my quest on WoW. Since you interrupted me with your stupid movie. Why don't you go ahead?
Brother: No, that's fine, I'll wait for you to finish playing.
I was planning on gaining a level that night, but decided to do it some other time because the Imperial Brother was clutching my shirt, and it was kinda hard to move.
Empress: Okay let's go to sleep.
Brother: Yay!
Empress: I can't believe I have to escort you to your bedchamber. How can such a coward like you be descended from the Imperial Line?
Brother: What? You're going to leave me in there? Alone?
Empress: ...
Brother: *clutches Empress' shirt*
Empress: Fine, let's turn the lights off in your bedchamber then.
Brother: Don't!
Empress: Why not?
Brother: I need to pee!
Empress: Then go pee while I turn off the lights in your bedchamber.
Brother: Don't! I need the hallway as brightly lit as possible while I pee!
So there I was, waiting right outside the imperial bathroom, with the door open of course, listening to the Imperial Brother pee. If I wasn't literally rolling on the floor laughing at the absurdity of the situation, I'd be considering sending him to the gallows for this affront to my imperial person.
Brother: I'm done.
Empress: Can we turn off the lights now?
Brother: Okay.
Empress: *marches to Imperial Brother's room*
Dog: *ducks under the Imperial Brother's bed*
Empress: *grabs the Imperial Dog* Don't go in there, that's the gateway to hell.
Brother: Waaah!
We then went to the imperial bedchamber, where the Imperial Brother promptly squeezed himself between me and the Imperial Dog on the bed.
Brother: Hug me all night.
Empress: No.
Brother: Hug me all night.
Empress: ...Fine. *hugs*
Brother: Tell me a story.
Empress: Okay. There is this one movie I watched that is much scarier than Paranormal Activity.
Brother: Tell me another story.
So I told him all the stupidest and funniest things that's been happening in my Imperial Life (ones I wouldn't publish on the Imperial Blog of course) until my throat is sore.
Empress: Okay I'm tired, and that's about all the funny stuff I can think of right now.
Brother: What time is it?
Empress: Hmm? ...3am.
Brother: Its only been an hour?
Empress: Well yes, but its 3am so let's sleep.
Brother: Tell me more stories.
Empress: I've got no more stories.
Brother: Tell me more Warcraft lore.
Empress: Don't you know more Warcraft lore than I do?
Brother: I forgot them all.
Empress: This is going to be a long night.
I fell asleep eventually, probably while telling another stupid and/or funny story. I have no idea if the Imperial Brother was able to get any sleep at all.
But not to worry, my loyal subjects, he seems to be back to normal now ^_^
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
0 comments:
Post a Comment