To start off, I think an account of my first day back at the motherland would be appropriate.
After crashing the imperial plane at the foot of the imperial mountain last October 17, I thought I'd have my homecoming meal at a fastfood place that can rarely be found when in exile: Chowking. So the Imperial Consort took me to the nearest mall, where the first thing I noticed was the number of people. Seriously, I do not remember the malls to be this full of people. Has everyone in the motherland been breeding like rabbits during my five months in exile?
Anyway, the Imperial Consort and I started walking around the mall, looking for an ATM so we can withdraw cash (because, as the Imperial Consort had to remind me, not all fastfood chains in the third world accept credit cards). We tried the nearest ATM, it was offline. We went to the next one, still no luck. The third one, well, no worries there, we are in the third world after all... By the time we checked all the ATMs in the mall, I was tearing my hair out - every single one of them in the entire mall was either offline or out of service.
All that walking in the hot and humid airconditioned mall made me thirsty, so I wanted to go to Chowking anyway for an iced tea. Of course, I had already expected that the iced tea was going to be half the size of what I got used to (and no free refills). What I didn't expect was the taste. I nearly forgot that brown, sugary water was what passed for iced tea in the third world.
It was time to head for the Imperial Palace, where the Imperial Family awaits. The Imperial Dog was the first to greet me, as usual. Pleasantries were exchanged, presents that were bought while in exile were distributed. And then I wanted to retire to the imperial bedchamber.
I opened the door, and lo and behold, imperial dust descended upon me. Furiously, I summoned the Imperial Brother and demanded an explanation.
"I thought you said you had my bedchamber cleaned?"
"We did. We put all your stuff in there and had it cleaned when you left."
"Then how do you explain all this dust?"
"Well, no one's been in there for the past five months..."
I had no choice but to summon a chambermaid to have it properly cleaned. I also grabbed my towel because I had to attend my homecoming feast in the evening.
"By the way," the Imperial Brother added, "the water pump broke down yesterday, so no showers for you for now."
This caused me to go down on my knees, screaming "WHYYYYYYYYY???", and wishing I could take the next plane back to the first world.
So there I was, on my first day back in the third world, using a commoner's tabo and balde to wash the travel dust (and palace dust) from my imperial body (and because my heater is connected to my showerhead, I had to endure bathing in cold water... I want my bathwater warm and my drinking water cold, not the other way around).
(I had a wonderful night at the Imperial Homecoming Feast though. Thanks to the Head Imperial Chauffer for letting me have my Homecoming Feast on his birthday party ^_^)
Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty
(P.S. The Imperial Seal was created by the Imperial Ambassador)
(P.S.S. Today was my birthday. The Imperial Extended Family brought chicken and pansit, the Imperial Consort brought cake. It was nothing special, I spent the day with the eggbeater in hand and watching over the chambermaids as I made them clean the entire palace. I don't think they're too happy about the Empress returning from exile...)
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