Updates! Updates! Updates!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I apologize for the lack of updates lately. See, I've been spending the Christmas season ice skating, eating, and getting drunk. And since the season isn't actually officially over, I have yet more getting drunk to do.

Rest assured that I have and still am accumulating good stories to tell, and they will all be told in due time for your reading pleasure.

But for now, though, I am going to rest. More fun awaits!

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Seasons Greetings My Loyal Subjects!

Have a Merry Imperial Christmas to you all!

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Cabbit is on Pet Society!

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Facebook is a good thing. Not only is it a great place to show off to people you pretend to be friends with, but it provides fun, entertaining games for when you are waiting for you module to upload, your web server to restart, or while on a flight path in World of Warcraft.

This is why I don't understand why companies ban Facebook from their networks. I do have the imperial belief that it keeps the employees' minds from stagnating. Anyway, fortunately for me, I am un self-employed, so I can access Facebook whenever I want.

One of the games I enjoy playing on Facebook is Pet Society. Here you create your very own weird looking pet thingy, then you take care of it and play with it and basically do stuff with it.

So anyway, I decided to make my Pet Society pet look like Cabbit. Here is her photo:

As you can see, Cabbit is actually THE Cabbit, as in Ryo-Ohki the cat-rabbit from Tenchi Muyo. I wouldn't be surprised if she is the only one of her kind in existence in the motherland. The Imperial Consort gave her to me as a ward against evil spirits and annoying persons. I take her with me wherever I go, even whenever I go into exile.

Needless to say, Cabbit and I are quite close ^_^

Anyway, here is the Pet Society version of Cabbit:

I did a pretty good job, if I must say so myself.

Cabbit, of course, hated it. She said she's much prettier than this crappy video game representation of her. So to express her displeasure, she wrote this note on her status page.

She calmed down a little after I put a t-shirt on her avatar. See, she loves clothes, never mind the fact that she is a Ryo-Ohki plushie and about the only things she could wear are baby hats and baby mittens. (She also resents the fact that the Imperial Dog owns more clothes than she does.)

One day, the Head Imperial Assassin's pet Belleblossom gave Cabbit a visit.

Cabbit, of course, didn't fail to notice Belleblossom's snazzy wig. She then dragged me to the clothing store because she wanted me to buy one for her.

But before I would spend my hard earned coins, I wanted to make sure that it actually looked decent on her. So I had her try it on.

Because I refused to have Cabbit look like a mop, I didn't buy it for her.

Later, Cabbit updated her status page.

Isn't she cute?

I must bid you farewell for now, my loyal subjects, because Cabbit needs a bath... and another carrot... and I think she's eying the new Christmas wear in the clothing store...

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Racism in MMOs

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I took my priestess out on an instance run one night in the hopes of finding non-ridiculous looking headgear. In my group were a gnome warrior and a dwarf paladin. Because of the wonder of the brand new Dungeon Finder introduced in patch 3.3, the warrior was assigned tank while the paladin was assigned DPS. This did not sit well with the paladin, however, because he kept pulling mobs before the warrior can. This, of course, pissed the warrior off.

"Please remember that I am TANK."

To which the paladin replied,

"Please remember that you are GNOME."

He then began a tirade on how gnomes are unsuitable tanks because they are too small, then started spouting off nasty short jokes. After a few minutes of this the night elf druid couldn't take anymore and said,

"Dude, you're a dwarf, you're like, one foot taller."

The paladin, of course, refused to lose the argument.

Paladin: But gnomes are the smallest in the game.
Druid: Not for long.
Paladin: Goblins are taller than gnomes.
Druid: No, they're the same height.
Paladin: Goblins are taller because of their ears.

Because of my laggy connection, and because the two DPS are arguing instead of actually doing DPS, the group, except for the paladin died.

Druid: Okay, who can resu?
Warrior: The DWARF can.
Paladin: Call me "paladin", not "dwarf", you little racist!

Which brings me to my little topic. What's with all the racism in online games? Don't we have enough of this in the real world? Sure, everyone's a little bit racist sometimes, doesn't mean we go about committing hate crimes (Avenue Q rocks!), but still. Calling Tauren cows and Accretians tin cans? That's insulting! Players have feelings too!

And besides, everyone is equal no matter what your race is. After all, you all are nothing but specks of dust at my imperial feet.

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

Character Classes

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Last weekend, I loaded the Imperial Consort, Imperial Brother and Imperial Dog in the imperial car so we can go to a certain 15 pound one-year-old's birthday luau. Along the way, the Imperial Consort and Imperial Brother were engaged on a conversation.

Brother: I think I want to try out Star Wars: The Old Republic when it comes out.
Consort: Cool. What are the character classes?
Brother: Trooper, Smuggler, Jedi Knight and Jedi Consular for The Galactic Empire, and Bounty Hunter, Sith Warrior, Imperial Agent, and Sith Inquisitor for the Sith Empire.

At this point, I found my imperial brain automatically translating the character classes to their "proper" names:

"Trooper (Tank), Smuggler (Range DPS), Jedi Knight (Melee DPS), Jedi Consular (Magic DPS)."

"Bounty Hunter (Tank), Sith Warrior (Melee DPS), Imperial Agent (Range DPS), Sith Inquisitor (Magic DPS)."

So anyway, the conversation continued.

Consort: Have you tried Neo Steam yet?
Brother: What classes do they have?
Consort: Warriors, Mystics, Machinists, and Scouts.

The imperial brain translates:

"Warriors (Tank), Mystics (Magic DPS), Machinists (Crafter), Scouts (Range DPS)."

The point is, though I greatly enjoy the fancy names, I discovered that my imperial brain automatically categorizes everything as either Tank, Melee DPS, Range DPS, Magic DPS, Healer, or Crafter...

Excuse me, my loyal subjects, while I lock myself in the imperial bedchamber and ponder the mysteries of my imperial online gaming life.

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty

An Exhausting Imperial Weekend

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I just went through an action packed weekend, which included the following activities:

1) Making fun of an innocent person whose only crime was to mistake me for someone they knew from the distant past. The Head Imperial Chambermaid and I came up with loads of nasty insults aimed at said innocent person, making the Imperial Ambassador uncomfortable and wish he wasn't part of the conversation. I even laughingly told them that bad karma will hit me during skating practice, making me wipe out and painfully land on my bum when I do my toe loop attempts.

2) Skating practice. I landed my first (uncheated!) salchow jump. I also did toe loop attempts, and yes, bad karma did hit me and I did wipe out, painfully landing on my bum.

3) Serving as imperial life guard at a certain 15 pound one-year-old's birthday luau. My job was to hang out at the deep end of the pool, making sure none of the 15 pound one-year-old's little friends strayed too far from the shallow end. If they did end up straying too far from the shallow end, I was to make sure that they drown so they wouldn't have a chance to grow up and pass on their idiot genes to their would-be offspring. I also had to do all that while carrying said 15 pound one-year-old in my arms, making sure we both do not drown.

4) Getting imperially drunk at a party. See, I was trying to get myself to stop making fun of the innocent person stated in 1). Unfortunately, the alcohol only made the pranks and comments like, ten times nastier.

Needless to say, I am imperially tired. I will now hit the imperial sack and try to recover my imperial energy.

Regular imperial programming will resume tomorrow.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Crazy Headgear

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Part of the fun in playing World of Warcraft is going into instanced dungeons and finding rare gear.

Some time ago, I had my new priestess join a group headed into Gnomeregan. It was fun of course, and the group loved my epic heals as usual. Then we faced the final boss, Mekgineer Thermaplugg. And defeated him, of course.

When we looted his corpse, we found an Electromagnetic Gigaflux Reactivator. I won the roll, and I was so happy to be able to wear my first rare headgear. Until I actually wore it. And it looked like this:

That is not my priestess, that is a random gnome wearing an Electromagnetic Gigaflux Reactivator. But anyway, the point is it looked ridiculous on my imperial priestess head. And as if the mini satellite dish isn't bad enough, the thing actually spins around your head, as if looking for a signal from Outland or something.

So I had to endure wearing that thing for several days, and I couldn't take it off because its stats are so much better than the other headgear I found. I also had to endure the cyber stares of virtually everyone I see in-game, and more than a few of them actually stopped to ask me what the heck I'm wearing.

I eventually came up with an imperially witty response:

"Excuse the funny hat. I am cosplaying a Terran Science Vessel."

A few days ago, I had my priestess join another group, this time going into Zul'farrak. After we defeated Shadowpriest Sezz'ziz, we were able to loot a Bad Mojo Mask from his corpse. Again I won the roll, and I was so happy because I have a better rare headgear to replace my ridiculous one. Until I actually wore it.

 

Again, that is not my priestess, that is a random gnome wearing a Bad Mojo Mask. But anyway, everyone in-game continued to give me cyber stares, and more than a few continued asking me what the heck I was wearing.

Which prompted me to come up with yet another imperially witty response:

"Excuse the freaky mask. I am cosplaying a troll."

I feel like my priestess is destined to wear ridiculous looking headgear >_<

I will now have to excuse myself, my loyal subjects, for I feel the need of raiding more instanced dungeons in the hopes of finding a rare, unridiculous looking headgear for my priestess.

Signed,

Her Imperial Majesty