Change

Greetings my loyal subjects!

There are changes that have happened in my imperial life, and sometimes these changes happen so fast. Some things have ended, but lots of things have also begun.  I have been hurt, but my future looks brighter than it had ever been before.

Because of these changes, there are things I have learned that I will share with you now.

That one shouldn't converse with someone whose eyes they never see or whose voice they never hear, lest the words be misinterpreted;

That just because the message was not heard, doesn't mean the recipient refused to listen; it could be that the message was too ambiguous to understand in the first place;

That in order to end the cycle of pain, one must be prepared to stay their hand and turn around, instead of striking back; and to be prepared to be labeled a coward for it;

That people who hurt others are in terrible pain themselves;

That there are people who derive happiness from other people's misery, but that is not true happiness;

That there are people who derive power from other people's weakness, but that is not true power;

That it is so easy to go along with other people's opinions, and so hard to find out the truth for yourself;

That it is perfectly fine to hate someone, but it takes a certain finesse to treat them with respect;

That no sentient being, no matter how evil, deserves to be treated dishonorably;

That different people have different opinions on what "right" is, but "right" is always hard to do regardless;

And that the truest friends come to you during the saddest point of your life, unbidden, and from the most unexpected places, not to help you fight, but to help you heal.

Meanwhile, my imperial life goes on, and there will be more stories to tell. I hope to continue making you laugh, sometimes at others, but mostly at me and my amusing misadventures ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Java Forever

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Obviously, work has eaten me alive, so I am now sneaking a blog update before I return to my daily eight-hour worship of Java ^_^

In the meantime, I shall leave you with a video that my officemates used to indoctrinate me into the cult of Java ^_^

(Warning: Requires programming knowledge to appreciate)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9JIiCkDyMQ

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

P.S. My officemates are NOT geeks >< (or so they say)

The Geek Trap

Greetings my loyal subjects!

So after weeks of enduring bullying from my so-called non-geeky officemates, I have decided to honor my Imperial legacy and rise against this injustice! Therefore, as my revenge, I have created The Geek Trap!

How To Make A Geeky Officemate Trap, Imperial Style

1)  Grab a copy of a video game magazine from the Imperial Consort's office.
2a) Sit next to the target and slowly rifle through the pages.
2b) Dangle the magazine in front of the target's computer monitor.
3) Paste a smug look on your face as target grabs for the magazine.
4) Enjoy the target's confession of geekiness.

Tip: Leave the magazine on your desk. More geeks will reveal themselves once they pick it up ;)

Moral of the story: Geeks are everywhere, you just have to know how to find them (or coax them out of their closets).

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

Work Perks

Greetings my loyal subjects!

Let me tell you some facts about my new work place.

1) It is within walking distance of all the best eating places in this part of the motherland.
2) It is located on the ground floor. Because I am afraid of heights, this is a VERY GOOD thing.
3) FREE MILO. (I know at least one of my readers will be insanely jealous.)
4) There is no dress code, so I can wear whatever the hell I want.
5) Flexi-time, so I can raid in the morning!
6) They have a Wii!

So after exchanging pleasantries with my new officemates on my first day of work, I dropped the big question.

Empress: So, when are the DotA tournaments?
Officemate: Uh, we don't really play DotA here.
Empress: *gasp* What do you do after work!?!?!
Officemate: We go jogging ^_^
Empress: ~_~ Are you sure this is a software development company?

So yeah. These people are JOCKS. ~_~ The only games they have on their Wii are either Wii Sports or some variant of it. Haven't they heard of Guitar Hero or Rock Band?

Sheesh.


Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

An Imperial Update

Greetings my loyal subjects!

As you may have noticed, I have been very lapse with updating the Imperial Blog. This is due to some changes that has happened with my Imperial Life. Mainly, I have once again succumbed to the temptation of selling my soul to the corporate devil and now spend eight hours of my life every work day chained to a desk.

Once I have worked out the kinks in my new daily schedule (fitting in raids and skating practice, of course), I will probably be able to regale you with my inane stories more frequently.

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

No Habla Ingles

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I HAVE NOT DIED!!!

Anyway, some weeks ago I was invited to join a guild. Since it was going to take a while for the Imperial Court to level and gear their toons up enough for raiding, I decided to take the invitation.

After I took the invite, I watched from my super secret hiding place (the top of the tower next to the Silver Enclave) as the officers ran around Dalaran looking for me. It was amusing and scary at the same time because they looked like they were hunting me or something >_<

When they found me, I felt like a bug under a microscope as they inspected my gear and talent build >_< They, of course, wanted a few things changed. And I thought this was supposed to be a laid back guild >_<

They then asked me to jump into Vent so they can talk to me. I'm like, what? No habla Ingles! (No habla Espanol either, but that's not the point.)

So anyway, after gemming and enchanting my ass to make me raid-worthy enough, they gave me a lecture about the guild's rules and expectations. The last sentence was particularly intimidating: "If you leave the guild, we will kill you."

I'm sure the Imperial Court would understand ^_^

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty

No Habla Espanol

Greetings my loyal subjects!

I have not died.

(The following post may require familiarity with Exalted to appreciate.)

Last week, the Imperial Court and I gathered at the Imperial Consort's palace for our Exalted gaming fix. For this session, my Zenith, Raya, and her buddies were sent on a mission into Malfeas to sabotage an impending demonic invasion among other things.

Consort: *draws a map*

Consort: Because you cannot be teleported directly into the Green Sun Empire (otherwise you won't have to play this cool adventure I made for you), you will have to be teleported to Oramus, the Dragon Beyond the World. Near the portal would be an umuhan, a demon the will swallow you and shit you out straight into the Forest of Hrost Vita.

Empress: Ugh.

Consort: At the edge of the forest is a logging camp slash docks where a sandship awaits to take you across Cycelene, the Endless Desert. After you cross the desert, you will see Envela, the Behemoth in Submission. Envela is actually this huge ass centipede that serves as a road...

Empress: Consort, why does your centipede look like a big floppy di--

Consort: Moving on. Eventually you will reach Ipythima, which is like Malfeas' hottest red light district. On Ipythima you will find the Black Lotus Pavillion, which is the biggest building in the district. It's hard to miss.

Empress: *snores*

Consort: Thing is, the master chef in the Conventicle Malfeasent is such a regular customer of the Black Lotus, he had a portal made in the pavillion that leads into the Conventicle kitchens. That's how you will get into the Green Sun Empire.

Empress: Oh how convenient.

Consort: So can you remember how you're supposed to get into the Green Sun Empire?

Empress: First we go through the forest, across the desert, then on to the Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire! Forest, desert, Green Sun Empire!

And this is how this session become the first ever episode of Raya the Explorer!

Raya Raya Raya the Explorer~

Cast of Characters:
Raya, Zenith caste Solar as Dora (Her Imperial Majesty's character)
Knife of the Ocean, Night caste Solar as Boots (the Head Imperial Bodyguard' character)
Benjaho, yeddim form Full Moon caste Lunar as Benny the Bull (NPC, the Imperial Consort's character)
Drifter Against the Vast Eternity, Twilight caste Solar as Tico the Squirrel (the Imperial Ambassador's character)
Hanya, Sidereal Chosen of Endings as Isa the Iguana (an Imperial Subject's character)
Storyteller - the Imperial Consort

Raya: Hola Senor Umuhan!
Knife: We need to get the umuhan to open his mouth, so he can shit us out into the Forest of Hrost Vita!
Raya: But Senor Umuhan only speaks Malfean! To get him to open his mouth, we have to say abre! Can you say abre?
Knife: Say abre! Say abre!
Umuhan: *opens mouth*
Knife: We did it, Raya! Now we just have to sit in his mouth and wait for him to swallow us, so he can shit us out!
Knife: *tosses Hanya into the umuhan's mouth*
Knife: Ladies first!
Storyteller: Okay, so the umuhan takes ten motes of essence from each of you...
Knife: Did you hear something, Raya?
Raya: I think it's the umuhan! Did you say something, Senor Umuhan?
Umuhan: Diez esencia.
Raya: Right. We have to pay him ten motes of essence! Here you go, Senor Umuhan!
Umuhan: *swallows the party*
Knife: Wow! Our first taste of hell, and that was one hell of a ride!
Raya: Thanks, Senor Umuhan! Gracias!

Knife: Where are we, Raya?
Raya: We are in the Forest of Hrost Vita! See that giant over there, that's actually Hrost Vita!
Storyteller: Okay, Hrost Vita is the Forest of Lust and Violence. Everyone please roll a temperance check.
Hanya: *fails the temperance roll*
Benjaho: *fails the temperance roll*
Knife: Oh no! What are Hanya and Benjaho doing?
Raya: We have to stop them, before the wake Hrost Vita up and chase us out of the forest!
Knife: Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming! Hanya stop humping! Benjaho stop slamming!
Frost Vita: ROAARR!
Knife: We're too late! RUN!

Knife: We made it, Raya! We made it through the forest!
Raya: We are now at the logging camp, and up ahead is the docks where we will catch a sandship to take us across the desert!
Knife: I'm hungry, Raya! Isn't there something to eat around here?
Raya: Don't just eat anything in Malfeas, Knife! We don't know what foods are safe or not! Don't worry, I brought my cache egg with me which is always packed with stuff!
Cache Egg: Cache egg cache egg~ Cache egg cache egg~ I'm the cache egg loaded up with things and knick knacks too~ Anything that you might need I have inside for you~
Raya: Here, Knife, have some good Creation food!
Knife: Yum yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!

Raya: Hola Senor Capitan!
Captain: Hola Raya!
Raya: We need to climb aboard your sandship, so we can cross the desert! Can we climb aboard your sandship, Senor Capitan?
Captain: Si!
Knife: Well that was easy.

Storyteller: On Envela, you hire a palanquin to take you to Ipythima. When you get there, Ipythima herself sees you and asks you to halt.
Ipythima: You, you, you, and you! Both of you five! Come down from that palanquin at once!
Raya: Look, Ipythima has four arms! Can you count her arms?
Knife: Then how is she pointing at all five of us at the same time?

Storyteller: You managed to convince Ipythima to allow you to use the Black Lotus portal to get into the Conventicle Malfeasent kitchens.
Knife: There are demons all over the place, Raya! I can sneak past them, Drifter can cast Flight of Separation, and Benjaho can shapeshift! How will you and Hanya get through?
Raya: I know! Maybe Hanya and I can wear disguises!
Knife: Great idea, Raya! Hanya could be a chef, and you could be a slave!
Raya: La kusinera, la muchacha! La kusinera, la muchacha!

Storyteller: So you finally reach the docks...
Knife: Oh no! Raya, there are three ships! Which one of them is the Creation breaking ship?
Raya: I bet it would be the biggest ship! Bikeno... bikeno... grande! It's that ship!
Hanya: *tosses soulbreaker orb unto the ship*
Raya: Okay let's get the hell out of here.

Knife: We did it, Raya! Even though Hanya destroyed the wrong ship, we were still able to destroy something! And I was able to rescue these stupid Exalts!
Raya: What was your favorite part, Knife?
Knife: My favorite part was sliding down the umuhan's guts and getting shat out into the forest!
Raya: My favorite part was pretending to be la muchacha and wearing a flimsy dress while Hanya pulls the chain around my neck!
Knife: Goodbye!
Raya: Adios!

Signed,
Her Imperial Majesty